My Words, My He[art]

Retiring.

2010-01-03T12:27:00.001-08:00

Well everyone, I have big news! I've started a new blog. From now on, I will be posting there regularly. Although I'm sad to say that I'll be retiring this blog, I am very excited about the prospects of the new one! I hope to see you there. Thank you for everything, and for the inspiration every day.

My New Blog is:

Love, Lisa

Hope to see you there! Here's to new adventures in 2010!!

Love,
Lisa

snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes.

2009-12-24T13:46:00.000-08:00

We got the unexpected treat of a snowfall yesterday morning. (It's all gone now, but it was fun while it lasted!) It's the closest thing to a white Christmas I've had in a very long time.

Merry Christmas Eve!

Love,

Lisa

what a way to greet the day.

2009-12-23T10:20:00.001-08:00

Last weekend, the love of my life and I set out on an adventure: a train ride to Albuquerque. I had never traveled by train before, and he hadn't done so since he was a little boy. So, it was a very interesting experience for us.

I actually found it to be a really unique, almost organic way of traveling. It reminded me of reading books about the "olden days" when I was a kid: those books used to describe the marvel of the characters at the invention of the train, and what a whole new world of possibilities the mode of travel opened up. For people who had once traveled far from home to find land in the West, and left their parents and siblings behind without much hope of ever seeing them again, the train was a way to reconnect with loved ones where it had never before been possible.

As I awoke from a slightly awkward sleep to see the golden sun splashing out from behind the darkness, I caught a glimpse of the magic that those travelers of old must have experienced. I felt the urge to pull out my camera, and capture that fleeting moment when hope, dreams, and new beginnings converged into one.

I hope you're all enjoying yourselves to the fullest this holiday season...

Love,

Lisa

winner!

2009-12-18T23:49:00.000-08:00

I'm not usually one who wins things. I mean, most people probably say that, right? But really. I can't remember winning very much of anything when it comes to contests or drawings! So you can imagine my surprise when I saw this post over at Bloom, Grow, Love, announcing that I'd won this amazingly gorgeous calendar. And when I finally saw it in person?? It's even better than I was expecting, and I am thinking that I'll have to buy more as gifts for my fellow photography lover friends.

So, thank you, Alicia! You are an extremely talented photographer who I admire very much (and the fact that you are self taught is extremely encouraging.) I am happy to have found you here in cyperspace!

Love,
Lisa

it's beginning to look a lot like christmas...

2009-12-18T14:41:00.000-08:00

Bijan and I have spent the day cleaning our apartment, doing laundry, and packing for our trip. I wanted to get a few photos of our tree before we have to transplant the presents and take them to our respective parents' homes.

Hope you're all having a lovely Holiday season!

Love,

Lisa

winter wonderland.

2009-12-12T10:46:00.000-08:00

We don't get any snow in California (although lately it's been raining a lot!) but that doesn't mean I can't create my own little winter wonderland. Bijan and I are attending our friends' annual Christmas party this year, and as I mentioned before, it's tradition to make an ornament. I thought I'd share a few photos of my creation.

I got the inspiration Here, although I did take a few liberties. For example, I used cotton balls for the snow and instead of a mirror pond, I made mine out of cardstock, glue, and glitter. But otherwise, I loosely followed these instructions.

Happy Holidays!

2009: Goal Revisitation.

2009-12-11T12:51:00.000-08:00

So, as I've been slowly putting together a goals list for 2010, I decided to go ahead and review last year's list. I've found that it's kind of fun to create a long list at the beginning of the year, and then check it later just to sort of see the progress (or lack thereof, haha.) I actually found that I accomplished a lot of them without even really trying!
Below, I've posted my 2009 goals list, only I've gone through and crossed out the goals I've accomplished. Even if I didn't exactly follow the goal to a "t", I've marked it off if I feel that I achieved the spirit of the goal. And a lot of the ones I didn't do, I've added to next year's goal list (which I am in the process of refining.)

My goals for 2009:

*~~show Bijan I love him every day, even if it’s just something small~~
*~~go on a hot date at least once a month, if not once a week~~
*~~make sure my friends know how much they mean to me~~
*~~dress up, and i mean really dress up, and go somewhere fancy at least once~~
*~~laugh often, stress less~~
*~~take a bubble bath once a week~~
*~~make Sunday nights cozy, stay-at-home, don’t-think-about-the-upcoming-week nights~~
*go to the beach once a week during summer
*~~continue to work on my writing~~
*take at least one photo per day
*post a weekly “photo of the day” blog chronicling my 7 favorite photos of the week
*~~learn more about photography~~
*~~learn how to properly and effectively use Photoshop~~
*~~get a new camera~~
*learn some new chords on the guitar
*have a few jam sessions with Bijan, and maybe even write a song together, to sing a duet
*~~save more money~~
*no smoking, period
*go horseback riding
*go visit my family at least three times
*~~bring my little brother to San Diego~~
*~~bring my little sister to San Diego~~
*~~go to Magic Mountain~~ (maybe get a year pass :P)
*go to Knott’s Berry Farm
*~~broaden my movie and music horizons~~
*create a craft bin so I can do crafty things at home
*learn some crafting techniques
*dabble in scrapbooking
*~~explore my creative, decorative side~~
*read two books a month
*go the Barnes & Noble (or any bookstore) once a month
*find a church i enjoy, and go sometimes
*do something cultured, like going to the theater or opera
*~~make something with my hands~~
*send my friends birthday and Christmas cards
*go ice skating
*go hiking
*~~be more active~~
*~~go to at least one street fair~~
*~~find a new favorite store~~
*go thrift shopping once a month
*work out regularly...a combination of running and yoga
*~~learn some new recipes~~
*bake often (cookies, pies, whatever). eat some, give the others away to friends :)
*donate some of my time to a good cause
*decorate our apartment
*get furniture
*organize the spare bedroom and turn it into our “creative room”...aka “the studio”
*continue writing morning pages, and doing my artist date...get serious about “The Artist’s Way”
*~~have a coffee date with one or more friends once a week~~
*~~get a little black dress~~
*~~go on a romantic weekend getaway~~
*~~make eating at home the norm~~
*~~go see some shows~~
*go to at least one more Lakers game
*~~get prepared to transfer colleges~~
*~~enjoy myself. enjoy our life.~~

Overall, I'd say it's been a pretty good year.

<3

a few of my favorite things

2009-12-10T09:03:00.000-08:00

*Brand new mascara. I'd had my old one for almost a year and hadn't realized how sticky and pretty much worthless it was until I got the new one. It is so fresh and makes my eyelashes BLACK! Haha. It makes me happy.
*Tazo Tea Organic Chai Latte mix. Soooo delicious. Same effect as hot chocolate only even tastier and much healthier.
*Our Christmas tree. It's small and fake, but soo pretty and I just love it. It makes me even that much happier to be sitting at home, all cozied up in my livingroom. :)
*Putting up a strand of white twinkle lights in our bedroom window. It's our only window that looks out to the street, so coming home at night and seeing those warm, inviting lights just tickles my heart.
*The heater in my car in the morning. It feels so good as it warms me on my drive to work! Especially with as cold as it has been these past few mornings.
*Making dinner. There is something so...domestically satisfying about preparing a meal and then enjoying it with my love afterwards. I feel accomplished and capable...and healthy!
*Taking baby steps at becoming more "crafty." I am making a Christmas ornament for Keith and Ty's Christmas party this weekend. It's tradition to make an ornament for their tree--their tree then ends up decorated with ornaments made by friends--and they also give away a prize the "winners." ANYWAY. I spent a couple hours in Michael's yesterday just looking around and finding the stuff for my ornament, and I can tell you one thing: I wanted to buy pretty much everything in there. I will definitely be in there more often from now on!! Hehe.
*Getting ready for my holiday vacation. I've pretty much checked out of work for the year (in my head, anyway.)
*Drinking champagne in my pj's with Dani while watching Love Actually and talking and eating garlic toast with spinach dip and snickerdoodle cookies. We've been through so much together and I love that girl. :)
*Sara's dress appointment this weekend!! Woohoo!! It makes the whole wedding planning thing officially official. ;)
*The CO Bigelow Ginger Mentha Lip Shine Shimmer that I got at Bath and Body works. It gives the loveliest golden sheen on my lips...and tastes so good I have to refrain from sucking down the whole tube! Haha. It tastes like the holidays.
*Karl Straus Red Trolley beer. Thank you Angel for showing me this beer! It is definitely my beer of choice at the moment, and I'm just not getting sick of it. It seems perfect for winter (which makes sense as it was originally brewed as a holiday ale.) Anyways...I will be bringing some along with me to the Christmas party this weekend.
*My shiny new favorite toy ever, the Nikon d90! Even though I haven't had as much time to play with it as I would like, I am still swooning over it. It's a work of art. I can't wait until I understand it even more. I'm slowly learning how to use the settings, and I really want to understand how to do things manually. But, in a nutshell, I am head over heels for it! Is it sad to feel that way about a camera???
*And finally: my boyfriend, family, and friends who make life (which is already a gift in itself) even more stunningly beautiful than I could have ever hoped for or imagined.

<3

100th.

2009-12-07T08:36:00.000-08:00

My heart is sore. And when I say heart I mean that thing deep inside me that feels and lives and breathes and laughs and moves and sighs when I see or hear or touch something beautiful. That part of me...is achey.

I don't know if it's the time of year, or because I am burned out, or because I am bored, or because I am restless. It might be because I feel like I am always one step behind of everything, like I have to skip to keep up with everything in my life. It's probably just a combination of everything.

Whatever the cause is, I feel drained. Thought of doing anything creative (as much as I want to do it) just makes me feel tired. I long to create and yet I just don't feel I have the energy it requires. The thought of picking up my camera or opening up Photoshop just exhausts me. And considering I just finally got my new camera, this doesn't really make sense to me.

I'm hoping that my Christmas vacation coming up will help me to step out of my funk. I'm going to have a pretty huge chunk of time off...I just need to get through this week and two days in the next. Then I'm done! I'm free! Pretty much until the New Year. Bijan and I are taking the train to Albuquerque to spend Christmas with my family. I think a change of scenery will also offer some new and fresh inspiration for me. We'll also be spending the second half of our vacation in Los Angeles with Bijan's family. All of it will be a nice break and I know my heart will heave a huge sigh of relief when the time arrives. I just don't feel like I can take any more "daily grind" without going insane!

Anyway, I'm sorry if this post seems whiny and self-involved. This is my 100th post, and I'm sorry I don't have anything better or more exciting to offer.

But I will say that I've got a few tricks up my sleeve to attempt reclaiming my sense of self and creativity. Things like...making my own Christmas gifts this year. I'm going to be scouring the internet and crafting mags for ideas. I've already got a few, but I'll definitely need to get some more. I just feel like it's a really special way to put that extra little "something" in a gift. Well, at any rate, I'm going to try. ;)

I hope this day finds all of you well. Despite my morose tone, I really am expecting things to turn around soon. I think what I really need is time to tend to my soul, and I'll have that soon enough.

Take care, dear internet friends. Your blogs and words inspire me on a day to day basis. Thank you for that!!

Love,
Lisa

just breathe.

2009-11-29T07:56:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. We came to LA, and went to Bijan's aunts house to eat. She has the prettiest house, which offers the best feel-good vibes. I really enjoy going there. And it's pretty cool because it's a place where Bijan has been going his whole life. So I really like getting a little glimpse into his childhood that way.

Anyway, so I am just lying here wayyyyy too early in the morning, thinking about things like life, love, dreams, goals. There is so much I want to do in my life and I am thinking that I am at a crossroads at the moment. I'm at a point where I'm just feeling overwhelmed thinking of all the things I'd like to do: I want to be a teacher, and a photographer, and a writer, and I want to make things with my hands. There isn't just one thing I'd like to do, is what I am slowly realizing, which is why I am having a hard time settling on just one thing.

So maybe I don't have to do just one thing. Maybe I can do and be as many things as I want all at the same time.

Yesterday we drove up to Bakersfield to visit another one of Bijan's aunts and uncles. While we were there, his aunt talked a lot about her new business. She just opened up a pet hospital, and you should see her talk about it!! Her face literally lights up, and her eyes glow!! She took us to go see it, and you could just see the pride radiating off of her.

She said, "I love getting up every morning and coming here! You can do anything you set your mind to. Anything."

It was really encouraging. I think someday I will settle into my niche, and figure out exactly how to be all these different things that I love. I will figure out how to make them work all alongside one another. And I have people who I know will love me and encourage me all along the way.

But for now, I will just appreciate the little moments which make life worth living.

♥

because sometimes...

2009-11-25T16:55:00.000-08:00

...you just need to get away.

Wishing you safe travels, golden laughter, and warm cozy feelings this Thanksgiving vacation. May your hearts be overflowing as we take this time to remember all the things we are thankful for all year long.

Love,

Lisa <3

if you can't say somethin' nice...

2009-11-18T17:42:00.000-08:00

How do you feel about yourself today?

Be honest.

There's just one catch: you have to say something nice. ;) Save the complaints, cuz I don't wanna hear them! Today, tell me something about you that makes you feel good.

♥

just reminding you to

2009-11-15T11:09:00.001-08:00

And hoping that everyone is having a lovely Sunday. Mine has been exactly what a Sunday should be: I'm still in my pajamas, I'm on my second cup of coffee, and I've spent some time playing around in Photoshop when I should have been doing homework.

I've been playing around with photography "names" too. As in...what I would like to call my photography. Not like I'm a pro or anything of the sort, but I think it would be kind of fun to have some sort of stamp that I always use on my photos...just to sort of say, "Hey! This is me!" You know? Sooo one idea I've come up with is the one I used above: "á la morford photo." It's a play on "a lisa ann morford photo" only I think it sounds more chic and clever. Or that could be just me, haha. So, what do you think? I'll be trying out other ideas here and there.

Anyway. I'm sorry for the silence lately here in my little corner of the blogosphere...I'm trying to remedy that!

Hope your day is beautiful, wherever you are.

Love,

Lisa ♥

thankful.

2009-11-09T12:31:00.000-08:00

Just a quick post to mention some things that I'm thankful for at the moment:

*My sweet love! We're so very fortunate to have found each other.
*Coffee. It makes my mornings that much better. :)
*The holidays! There is so much time of from work in my horizon that it's gonna be coming out of my ears!
*Flannel pj's at Victoria's Secret...oh, how thankful I am that they do this every year. ;) I can't wait to order mine! I'm probably going to wait a couple weeks though, cuz they usually go on sale...
*Somewhat cooler weather...I said, "Somewhat."
*Boots, scarves, and sweaters.
*Having the opportunity to participate in the planning of Sara's wedding! I am so happy that she has chosen to include me in this day.
*Mending bridges with my family.
*Almost having enough money saved up to buy my new camera...Eek!
*Friends who are really more like family...I don't know where I would be without them. For realz. ;)
*Knowing that even when I am feeling down and disgruntled, my life is truly beautiful and I have no room for complaints and dissatisfaction. I'm a truly lucky girl.

autumn inspired.

2009-10-24T11:37:00.000-07:00

As much as I love California, I am a little bummed that we don't really get to experience the gorgeousness (word?) of autumn here. Autumn (not fall...I've never liked calling it fall) has always always been my favorite season. That's one thing that I'll always miss about living in places like Michigan (where I was born): being able to experience the actual changing of the seasons.

At any rate, it does mean that I've got to look for autumn inspiration in other ways. Just because the leaves aren't changing colors doesn't mean I can't still find them elsewhere. ;)

For me the actual word "autumn" seems to actually BE in color. Does it feel that way to you? Almost like the word itself looks like this to my brain:

autumn

It's the weirdest sensation! So, here's my post dedicated to this gorgeous time of year. This is my way of finding autumn colors in my world that is still golden, green, and blue.

changing it up.

2009-10-20T17:40:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about this post over at Shutter Sisters ever since they posted it. What they had to say about how it being the person behind the camera that makes the difference, not the actual camera itself, really made me think.

I've realized that lately I've been embarrassed to call myself a photographer because all I have is my Canon Point and Shoot camera...and so I feel like I look silly at the park next to the person with the very grand looking SLR. (Don't get me wrong: I still want one sooooo bad and am in the process of saving up!) I think part of me feels like they are looking at me thinking, "Pfffft. Silly wannabe." But, reading that post made me realize that it is really ridiculous to think that I can't already call myself a photographer. I might not be the very BEST one, or even know a whole lot about it, but that hasn't kept me from exploring it as a visual art. What is important is that I show you a glimpse of how I see the world, even if I don't use to most expensive camera to do it.

So, in honor of this epiphany (if you will), I janked my babe's iPhone today and went around the apartment snapping photos. It was fun! I downloaded the shakeitup application, which transforms the photo into a polariod replica of sorts. Other than that, I haven't edited the photos at all!! And I was so excited with how they turned out. It was a really refreshing little experiment, and really helped me take some pressure off of myself. It just goes to show how looking at something in a new light can completely change the way you see it.

Fun, huh? ;)

(PS: Needless to say, I totally want an iPhone now! Haha. But I suppose I will just have to make do with Bijan's until I am able to get one of my own. Haha.)

the sky's the limit, but i never have been one for boundaries.

2009-10-18T13:03:00.000-07:00

Hope everyone is having a very relaxing Sunday. I wish I had more time for a longer post, but alas, I don't. Today is a day for being lazy and doing a loooot of laundry and getting the apartment clean and ready for the week. Not to mention homework and mayyyybe a quick trip to the mall (Bath and Body Works is calling my name...Haha.)

Here's to making dreams come true. Cheers.

i'm pretty sure...

2009-10-17T20:26:00.000-07:00

...magic happens here.

I believe in magic. Do you?

love thursday: our romantic place.

2009-10-15T17:19:00.001-07:00

On Sunday, Bijan and I went to the most romantic place on earth. Well, I think it is anyway. To other people it's probably just another random spot in Balboa Park. To me, it's special.

A looong time ago, before we were together, we went to this place as friends. We sat on a bench, amidst some trees and a posse of chattering squirrels, and sipped coffee and talked and laughed.

It was the most romantic non-date, ever.

Every now and then we like to go back to this place to sit on the same bench amongst the same trees and (I think) the same squirrels, to drink coffee and talk and laugh. Only it's even better now, because he can kiss me there!

Do you have a special place that makes you feel all lovey just being there?

(And no, those aren't our initials on that tree. Someone else must think this spot is pretty romantic, too.) ;)

humility.

2009-10-13T21:45:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about humility lately, and wanting to be more humble in my thoughts, actions...lifestyle. It's always been a virtue that I've always had to really work at; it's one area that I'm always chiding myself for, always longing to do better at. I like to believe that if I keep trying, no matter how many times I stumble over my own pride, I'll eventually get to where I'd like to be.

Anyway. I did a google search on the word "humility" and ended up finding this poem. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Written in Early Spring

by William Wordsworth

I heard a thousand blended notes

While in a grove I sat reclined,

In that sweet mood when pleasant thoughts

Bring sad thoughts to the mind.

To her fair works did Nature link

The human soul that through me ran;

And much it grieved my heart to think

What Man has made of Man.

Through primrose tufts, in that sweet bower,

The periwinkle trailed its wreaths;

And 'tis my faith that every flower

Enjoys the air it breathes.

The birds around me hopped and played,

Their thoughts I cannot measure -

But the least motion which they made

It seemed a thrill of pleasure.

The budding twigs spread out their fan

To catch the breezy air;

And I must think, do all I can,

That there was pleasure there.

If this belief from heaven be sent,

If such be Nature's holy plan,

Have I not reason to lament

What Man has made of Man?

on having the guts to go through the gate.

2009-10-11T10:04:00.000-07:00

I haven't been around here much lately. And mostly I have just been spending my time online admiring my favorite blogs and all the talent around me.

I feel like I am trying to find my voice. My blog has been many things since I started it. It's been a journal, a fashion fest, and more recently, a place where I share my growing love for photography. So, I don't know. I love blogging so much but I am thinking more and more of changing it up, and just eventually starting a whole new blog. One that is focused and well maintained. But, I am still thinking and planning and I think it'll be a while yet before I actually do that.

I just spend so much time thinking how much better my blog could be, blah blah blah. Haha.

But, I took a look at my first post, and I realized that this blog has served exactly the purpose I had in mind for it. It's been a place for me to grow and experiment and learn and create. The blog that will open doors to whatever I may create in the future.

And I've actually accomplished a lot of those goals I listed way back then. So I think that's pretty cool. :)

I've also been spending a lot of time playing around in photoshop (now that I've learned a lot about how to use it, haha.) So that's been fun. I think in some cases I way over do it...but I'm just trying to find my style...my look. So in doing that I've just been playing around--a lot! And I think it's pretty cool, some of the effects you can create! I've been playing with actions, textures, text even...it's so fun! It's like this whole new realm of photography has opened up to me. And really...I am still a baby with it all. I listen to people talk "photography talk" in regards to cameras and things and I just feel so lost! But that is my next step, my next goal: I'm learning! I'm just so excited to have found a passion in this awesome, limitless hobby. I've found the arena in which I'm meant to create!!! It's so exciting. :)

I just feel like sometimes I'm scared, you know, to keep going. I'm scared to pursue it too much or to get my hopes up or to think that a lot could come out of it. I'm scared of being let down, or disappointed. Why do we have these fears, do you think?

I don't know the answer to that, but I do know I won't let these fears stop me. I think I'll just go ahead and pursue my dreams, anyway. Yeah?

a memory.

2009-10-03T08:15:00.000-07:00

We make lots of memories together. I especially love to remember all of the memories we made before we were a "we" or an "us"...because those times are partly what makes us so incredibly special now.

I remember that night I was on duty at the hospital, working the horrible 5-9pm shift (after I'd already pulled a full day in the office) down in that cold little shack where everyone brought all the hospital waste. Everything was made of cement; it was chilly (it was the end of January) and there wasn't a heater. Plus everything smelled bad down there. I was always creeped out down there by myself, especially knowing the kinds of things that were in the bins that the hospital corpsman brought down to me. I really hated that duty.

But this night was special because it was the last night I'd have to do it. After this night, they were rotating someone else down there. I didn't mind it so much, because after having already endured 6 months of doing this every eight days, I supposed I could put up with one last time, especially since I wouldn't have to do it again.

I remember I was working on my logic homework when the doorknob of the side door rattled. I told myself, It's just the wind, because if I allowed myself to think anything else, I would have gone insane. I don't deal with fear very well, and if I would have allowed my imagination to take even one step in the wrong direction, I would have ended up in a pitiful little pile on the floor. So I just ignored it. It's just the wind.

Then, suddenly, maybe 5 minutes later, a little plastic coke bottle rolled through the big front door which always stayed open so people could come in and out with their barrels. I watched the coke bottle as it fizzled and rolled toward me. My smile was instantly huge, wide, unbearably stretching my cheeks. Because I knew. I knew he was there.

I got up from my seat at the computer and picked up the coke bottle, then I ventured outside. But as I was walking, he ran in, and enveloped me in the biggest bear hug ever. "You scared the crap out of me!" I lied into his hoodie. I'm so happy you're here! was what I'd meant to say, but didn't...couldn't.

He had always joked about coming down to visit me on duty, and I'd always really hoped he would, imagined he would, but he never had. Since this was my last night, I'd kind of given up hope. And then there he was. My best friend. We were madly in love with each other, but had never said a word. Couldn't, really, due to extenuating circumstances. But it didn't matter. I was just happy to be around him. To be able to laugh and have a quiet, special little moment.

He took the coke from me, and pulled from his pocket one of those tiny little bottles of Jack Daniels. "It's your last night. We've got to celebrate!"

He opened the coke bottle and, after taking a few sips to make some room, poured about half of the tiny little bottle of Jack into the coke. We giggled and sat at the computer and played around with my logic dvd, taking turns sipping from the coke bottle. I showed him how to do logic and we just had one of those perfect moments that suspended time. Each of us holding back our secrets, yearning to just say everything. But, in those moments it also didn't matter, because we were happy just being near each other, just laughing and joking having the best time.

I only had about 45 minutes left on my shift. I invited him to Denny's after so we could get some coffee and a late snack. We went. We played tic tac toe and hangman on napkins. We

laughed. We could imagine everything was perfect. The air was heavy with all the words left unsaid.

At the end of the night I drove him back to his car. He gave me a hug, said good night, got out of the car. I smiled at him. Suddenly, he leaned back into the car. It was very, very abrupt, and his head was right over mine. My heart pounded. For a moment, the veils lifted, and I looked at him without the guard I normally kept over my eyes. I was certain he was going to kiss me. A tiny gasp escaped my lips.

He burst into the hugest smile I'd ever seen. "See you at work tomorrow," he said, raising his eyebrows playfully. He flipped off the overhead light of my car and got back out again, this time shutting the door. He was at his own car door in no time.

I paused, not sure what to make of what had just happened. And then I laughed at myself, and waved to him. You've got quite an imagination! I thought to myself. I'd really let myself get carried away.

He told me later that he had planned on kissing me when he got back in my car, but got nervous and didn't. He said he'd seen the look on my face, too, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it yet. And that's ok. Because things happened perfectly, exactly how they were meant to. And now I have this wonderful story to tell. ;)

So, that's one of my favorite pre-"us" memories. It makes me smile.

dinner.

2009-09-27T19:22:00.000-07:00

Happy Sunday.

weekend love.

2009-09-26T15:14:00.000-07:00

I hope everyone is having a lovely and relaxing weekend. :) We are experiencing a bit of Indian Summer over in this area...(high of 93!! What is that??) Anyway.

I am in a fabulous mood and just hoping to pass a little of that on to all of you today.

So enjoy some wine, take a bubble bath, laugh with your loved ones, read a good book. Whatever you do, remember to savor the moment, and to take the time to appreciate all the little things that add up to make everything just that much better.

♥Lisa♥

transported.

2009-09-21T23:20:00.000-07:00

It was "one of those days" today.

I was dragging at work all day. I don't know why, I got the same amount of sleep that I always do and was actually able to have a venti Starbucks coffee (thanks to my sweet Bij who ran out and got it for me before I had to leave...ok plus one for this day :P) so I thought it would be ok. But I found myself literally fighting sleep almost the entire day. Weird?? My tummy has been pretty unsettled today, too. And then on top of that physical stuff, something happened (right at the end of the day, of course) to really upset me. One of my coworkers said something extremely innappropriate to me, and while I dealt with that person and tried to move on, it was one of those things that left a bad taste in my mouth. I found myself thinking about it for hours afterwards, on and off. I do that.

And while I love school, Monday is probably the worst day on which to have an evening class. It just makes Mondays last all that longer, and it's not until (umm...11:30 pm) that I am able to finally relax and enjoy the very much craved me-time.

Anyway. I know it probably wasn't a very bad day from lots of people's standpoints. I can't really explain why it's been such a crummy day for me. But I've just felt rather frazzled and exhausted and upset for the majority of the day.

But then, I remembered these photos. And I decided that today didn't have to end on a bad note, in spite of all the yucky stuff in it.

I really can't take much credit for these photos, because I was merely the recorder of the art that was already there. I took these photos this weekend when we were in Los Angeles. We went to watch "Rosemary's Baby" on a projector in the Hollywood Forever graveyard. While we sat on our blankets, in the perfect, golden sunlight, waiting for it to get dark so that the movie would start, enjoying the company of friends, I played around with my camera, capturing the surrounding beauty.

I feel as though, for once I was able to truly capture the way I was feeling in that moment. When I look at these photos, they take me back to the perfect happy of that evening: the laughter and companionship of my love and my good friends; the delicious snacks and goofy girl talk; the way the sun was gently kissing everyone's face and making them glow. I don't know how to explain it, and I don't think I am supposed to. These photos just...make me feel happy.

And that's a pretty good way to end the day after all, if you ask me. ;)

soul meets body.

2009-09-16T22:37:00.000-07:00

I haven't got a lot of words this evening.

So, instead, I want to leave you with a feeling.

Soul Meets Body

I want to live where soul meets body

And let the sun wrap its arms around me

And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing

And feel, feel what it's like to be new

Cause in my head there's a greyhound station

Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations

So they may have a chance of finding a place

Where they're far more suited than here

I cannot guess what we'll discover

We turn the dirt with our palms cupped like shovels

But I know our filthy hands can wash on another's

And not one speck will remain

I do believe it's true

That there are roads left in both of our shoes

And if the silence takes you

Then I hope it takes me too

So brown eyes I hold you near

Cause you're the only song I want to hear

A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere

Where soul meets body

--Death Cab for Cute

(song is available on my playlist below)

Good night, dear friends...

the sky is incredible today...(and other news.)

2009-09-11T17:43:00.001-07:00

Usually, California skies are (while beautiful) quite plain and boring to photograph. Most days it's a deep, clear blue: this makes me feel happy, but it doesn't (always) do much for me in a photo.

Not so today.

As I was driving home from work, I was struck by the intense visual beauty of the sky today. The clouds were boggling my mind. They weren't just big, fluffy marshmellow clouds...they were gorgeous, textured, swirling, light-infused clouds. They reminded me of a Van Gogh painting. They made my heart sing. And I knew that when I got home, I would run inside and get my camera.

I'll let the photos speak for themselves. (Some photos seemed perfect to me right off the camera, and I didn't edit them at all. I've labeled these "Straight Out Of Camera" shots as "SOOC" so you guys can will know which ones I edited--though it might be obvious--and which ones I did not. :P)

[sooc]

See what I mean? It seriously had me breathless. I wanted to climb up those telephone poles, past the trees, and up, up into the deep blue and splash around in those clouds! Really.

Anyway. I am trying to regain my footing with this whole blogging thing. For a while I was feeling completely unmotivated; uninspired. I think I might be coming out of that! (Finally!) Creative ideas are finding me more often, as are ways to further my goals and dreams. I'm finally learning Photoshop! I'm so excited because this is something I've wanted to learn for a long time (and I've always felt behind the times with it, like it was too late for me to learn, even though that is ridiculous, haha.) But I'm taking a class that has three sessions (Beginner, Intermediate, and Advanced.) So, I'm really going to be able to gain a lot of knowledge through it, and stop looking at Photoshop as though it's a foreign language!!

Another thing that has me feeling motivated is that I'm finally saving up for a new camera. Not that I don't looooove my Canon PowerShot that my baby got me for my birthday, but I just feel like I'm ready for the next camera step. I am realizing every day how happy photographs make me. It's a twofold reward for me, really. See, I am addicted to looking at other people's photos. I find myself searching Flickr groups and avidly following creative blogs just for the joy that the photos bring me. I truly enjoy seeing the world as portrayed by others. It makes me really, really happy. And the second thing I love about photography: that inexplicable feeling I get when I am able to capture the perfect image. Maybe not perfect to you or anyone else, but perfect to me. An image that truly conveys what I was seeing at the time, or what I was thinking. It makes me feel just...good. I've realized this year, as I've experimented more and explored the photos of others, that photography is the only thing besides writing that has ever given me the tingly, accomplished, excited feeling. That good feeling.

I wonder if the two go hand in hand? Writing. Photography. Using words to convey what you cannot see and photos to convey what you cannot say.

Hmmmm. I like it. ;)

Anyway. So, I'm taking steps to fulfill my dreams. And also taking steps to even...figure out exactly what those dreams are. I'm trying to figure out what path to take in college...Do I want to take a few steps away from my English degree to get an AA in Photography?? (Since I'm already done with the basics it would only take about a year to finish, so it wouldn't set me back thaaaat far.) Part of me does, part of me is uncertain. I feel like I really want to actually learn about photography: the art of it, the theory, the philosophy...even how to process actual film. The Community College here offers an AA degree which will cover everything I'd like to learn. And then I would just apply to a 4 year institution when I finished with that and continue on with my English/teaching degree. I'm just not sure. The practical side of me says No! But the adventurous, curious side of me says Yes! Yes! Pleaaaase???

What do you think??

Anyway. Those are my thoughts for the day. I hope everyone is having a beautiful Friday! Take care, Loveys!!

Love,

Lisa

love thursday: i wanna hold your hand.

2009-09-10T08:00:00.000-07:00

(*This is my first time participating in any of the challenges/activities I've found on Shutter Sisters. "Love Thursday" is featured over at it's home Chookooloonks.)

There is something about the simple act of holding hands that can express love and affection in a way that no other action can. And when you see this wonderful couple as they walk side by side, hand in hand, one thing is abundantly clear: they are made for each other. They are in love. It's the kind of thing that makes you believe in true love. ♥

Happy Love Thursday.

i had a dream...

2009-09-07T10:53:00.000-07:00

...that I was a Princess. I was locked in a tower, looking out the turret windows, longing for the world below.

But there was a way out, and I made my way outside. I found myself in a secret garden, and I wandered the abandoned castle grounds. I danced in and out of shadow and light, which teased each other, as one danced just out of the other's reach. As I watched, I heard their voices. They were the voices of the sun, the wind; they whispered through the trees. I laughed, and my laughter mixed with their voices, and became a beautiful song. I listened, and I never wanted to leave.

It was a lovely dream.

inspired to experiment.

2009-08-31T08:00:00.000-07:00

The best thing about the blogosphere is all the wonderful talent and creativity that there is to be found here. I love the fact that people now have the ability to take it upon themselves to have a voice in the world, and to share that voice/vision with others. I find inspiration every day as I peruse my blogroll, simply amazed by all of the talent oozing out of these wonderful bloggers.

I get inspired too, to push myself and to try new things. I've mentioned my blogging friend Georgia B. before, but her photography and creativity truly does inspire me. Georgia's post on what she calls "screen shots" really got me wondering what kinds of images I could capture through screens. And so I experimented. Thank you, Georgia, for the idea and I truly hope you don't feel ripped off in any way! Because it's just that you inspire me and make me want to push the envelope of my own creativity.

The results of my experiment:

Hopefully Monday finds you all in Peace...(not in pieces!) ;) (Ok...corny joke, I know...)

Love,

Lisa <3

it's the san francisco treat, part two: across the bay.

2009-08-30T11:26:00.000-07:00

While we were in San Francisco, we took a trip across the Bay (on the BART, of course) to visit some of Bijan's old friends from the Navy who lived in Oakland. It was quieter there than in the city, a lot warmer (San Francisco is sooo cold, even in July!), and very quaint in its own way. I got to take a lot of pictures on that side, too. I loved the unique look of all the houses: nothing cookie cutter about them! The color and variety made the area just pop with personality.

Enjoy!

Love,

Lisa <3

it's the san francisco treat. part one: on the street.

2009-08-21T10:40:00.000-07:00

Well. Our trip to San Francisco seems so long ago already! We went for our 4-day Fourth of July weekend, on pretty much spur of the moment. A week before I'd happened to check ticket prices on Southwest, and they were ridiculously cheap ($39 one way!) Needless to say, we jumped on it, as it was something different to do, and it wouldn't break the bank too much.

I booked a room at a hotel set in the heart of the city, Cathedral Hill Hotel. It wasn't anything fancy, but it was just perfect. I'd noticed that a lot of the cheaper hotels in San Francisco had community bathrooms, and so that was my main stipulation: it had to have it's own bathroom, and it had to be near a lot of fun things to do. So, this was the place I found (and only around $65 per night, which I thought was great!) And it was so comfy and cute and clean. Just...simple. We were there to see the city after all, not the inside of a room. I highly recommend this place if you are looking for some place that's pretty much a place to lay your head and keep your stuff while you explore the city. I will stay there again.

Anyway. So, it was truly an adventure for us. We didn't plan on getting a rental car, or have anyone to pick us up from the airport. We just flew in...and planned on using public transportation to get everywhere we needed. We took the BART (the city's subway system which goes right to the airport) into the city. And from there we walked and bussed to our hotel, and happened to find it just fine. It was perfect. After that we walked/bussed/BARTed everywhere. And it was so much fun!

One thing I loved about San Francisco was the look of the streets. They were big and hilly and bustling. The buildings were towering up, up, up...so tall and unique, each one different, and yet...they almost looked fake. I felt like I was on a movie set when I was on the San Francisco streets. As though if I were to walk behind the big, elaborate buildings, I'd see nothing but a flat surface. It was very surreal and of course, in my imaginative mind, I was, in fact, in a movie. ;)

The famous Mel's Diner. Very yummy milkshakes and burgers!

On our first night, we went to the movies and saw The Proposal, with Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds (two of my favorite actors.) It was funny and cute...but the very best part was this gorgeous theater! Plus, it had the most comfortable seats I've ever had the pleasure of sitting in at a movie theater. They leaned gently back, so they just sort of cupped you while you relaxed for the movie. It was awesome, and every time we go see a movie here, I just dream of those wonderful seats. Haha.

I really wanted to capture the feel of the streets through my camera, and I think I only partly succeeded. At any rate, I hope you get a sense of feeling I had as we walked through the streets on our way to Union Square.

This is part one in a three part series of my San Francisco photos. Hope you've enjoyed it...

Love,

Lisa <3

resonation.

2009-08-19T13:13:00.000-07:00

"'What is it my dear?'
'Ah, how can we bear it?'
'Bear what?'
'This. For so short a time. How can we sleep this time away?'
'We can be quiet together, and pretend - since it is only the beginning - that we have all the time in the world.'
'And every day we shall have less. And then none.'
'Would you rather, therefore, have had nothing at all?'
'No. This is where I have always been coming to. Since my time began. And when I go away from here, this will be the mid-point, to which everything ran, before, and from which everything will run. But now, my love, we are here, we are now, and those other times are running elsewhere.'"

--Possession, by A. S. Byatt

I haven't read that book yet, but the passage above is quote in The Time Traveler's Wife, which I have read. (Wonderful, brilliant book, by the way. I highly recommend it.)

Anyway. Isn't it exciting to you when you read or hear or see something that describes exactly how you are feeling, that puts your thoughts into words perfectly? That is what this passage is to me. My thoughts and feelings and emotions all collected and gathered and scooped up and organized to neatly form one simple paragraph.

This...this. Sums up me at the moment. How I've been feeling. I couldn't have put it better myself.

tangible nostalgia.

2009-08-10T19:37:00.000-07:00

(Caption on back of above photo reads: "Lisa w/ pig tails, A Little Doll, At Grandpa Morford's, Birch Run"...I was approximately 3 years old...)

(Lisa, Age 24, at the Hatef's)

I find myself frequently searching for connections to my "younger selves". Adulthood brings with it many things: new experiences, new responsibilities, new ways of thinking, new joys and new sorrows. Childhood is so much more simple, and yet we don't realize we should appreciate it until it is long gone.

When you are a child there is Mommy, and Daddy, and your brother, and your bottle and your doll, and Sunday School, and nap time. Your little world is full with only these few, simple things. You don't want for anything. Laughter comes easily. You are happy with a cookie and your favorite flowered dress that you wear over and over without worrying what anyone will think. Dandelions are beautiful flowers and it confuses you why Mommy wants to get rid of them all.

I used to live contentedly in that little world of mine, oblivious of any effort it took for my parents to put food on the table or clothes on my back. In my mind it all just...happened. I didn't understand what went on behind the scenes.

Of course, as I grew, I had dreams. I was such a day dreamer. I dreamed about being a grown up and going places and doing things and above all, finding love. My whole life was stretched out before me like the Yellow Brick Road, and I spent the majority of my time daydreaming about what would be around all those curves.

Looking back on those childhood dreams might feel silly, but I believe it is incredibly important to finding yourself. To hold on to that child in you. For me, anyway. Sometimes I feel that, even as I've come to find myself, I've also lost so much. There are times when I suddenly remember something I used to dream about so fervantly that when I remember it, it shocks me that I could have ever forgotten it.

At any rate, I like remembering. It makes me feel whole...like I've reconnected with a part of me that was lost.

Fortunately for me, I kept many journals. My favorite is the one I kept in the journal I had when I was 12/13. I wrote in it daily until I ran out of paper, and this added up to about 3 or 4 months of my life, every thing that happened. It is incredibly humbling and strangely comforting to read it. There's something so tangible about reading about about my past, written by the "me" who was actually experiencing it, rather than simply recalling a memory.

Considering how much this journal delights me (and perhaps it's only me), I thought that I'd share a few of my favorite quotes.

Friday, December 26, 1997: "It's the day after Christmas. Christmas is over. It's kind of sad to think about it after we had prepared and waited so long. Then it just got here and snap! it was gone."

Wednesday, December 31, 1997: "Rod came over. He's an old neighbor of ours. . . . Rod told me I was a beautiful young lady! You can't know how that made me feel! I felt all excited and nervous and grateful too. I also felt a little shy. What he said gave me real hope that some day, someone might find me attractive."

Monday, January 5, 1998: "Dad wrote a letter to Ken about why we're not going to Center Road anymore. He said something about wanting to minister but that it won't be at the expense of his family. Mom said 'I love you," to dad and it just made me cry. I love it when she talks to him like that."

Tuesday, January 6, 1998: "I want to meet people, and I want to make new friends. I would be nice to meet girls and boys. I mean, I don't want to sound like a boy-crazy girl, but it would be nice to meet some cute boys that are Christians that maybe like me. But I wouldn't want them to be gross, but you know, like me as a friend and where I won't feel to shy to talk to them."

Sunday, January 18, 1998. "We went to New Life Christian Fellowship this morning. I sat with the teens and the girl I sat by was wearing a blue fur hat with purple streaks in it. She was taking notes and underlining things in her Bible. It was so neat and it made me want a new Bible and stuff so I could do the same."

Wednesday, January 21, 1998. "I hope this journal doesn't sound dreadfully boring to myself when I'm older. If it does, well, excuse me for leading a boring life. No, just kidding!" (<--that's my personal favorite quote from this journal. Period. :P)

Friday, January 23, 1998. "Last night I had a dream that I was engaged to Gilbert Blythe. He said something about something being so fun or nice. And I said, 'It'll be a lot funner (or nicer) once we're married.' He smiled at me and agreed. I was about 18 or something. Anyways, I was holding his hand and had my head on his shoulder when we were walking. . . . When I get married I would like to marry someone who looks like Gilbert Blythe."

Saturday, January 31, 1998. "Later today I drew a mermaid picture, got mad at Zach, had Tacos for supper, got on the web, drew another mermaid picture, & played solitaire."

Friday, February 6, 1998. "Oh, wow! I'm 13! I can't believe it. I mean, I don't feel older AT ALL but I guess I am."

Friday, February 13, 1998. "Oh! Today there were five white packages in the mail; one for each kid. They were Valentine chocolates from Mom and Dad. COOL! I've never gotten something like that in the mail before."

Tuesday, February 17, 1998. "I hope I always feel young enough to play with dolls forever. At least, American Girl dolls."

Well anyway...I won't bore you with any more right now. ;) It's just something that puts a smile on my face. Have a lovely week...

Love,

Lisa <3

reasons to smile.

2009-08-09T17:34:00.001-07:00

I keep trying to blog, and everything I write just comes out way too personal and emotional, haha. I have all these drafts and everything is just much too deep. I haven't felt much like blogging lately...I still haven't figured out why because I love blogging. I think I just have a lot going on inside myself lately, and I can't seem to be able to write fluff. So, today I'll just keep it simple. Lots of people I know have been posting the things going on in their lives that's making them happy...and I think I'll follow the trend.

My Reasons to Smile

*Bijan's love for me, even when I'm being a turd.

*Finding the most amazing beach in Ocean Beach today...sooo secluded and beautiful, and the water is so clear and warm! It was the best day.

*This green oversized scoopneck tee with a little pocket from Old Navy. It's soooo soft and super flowy and comfy!

*Hot showers, with Bath and Body works Sleep Aromatherapy body wash...followed by the matching lotion. Intoxicating!

*The wonderful friendships that I have. My girls keep me grounded and help me put my head back on straight when it comes loose. :) You are all wonderful and each of you add something completely unique and completely wonderful to my life. Thank you.

*This new book I'm reading: The Reading Group. It's by a British author and it's about friendship and love and all the complications that are interlaced between those things. It's a wonderful read and also highly hilarious. I love British humor!

*Cooking at home almost every night this past week! (Except for one: we ordered Bronx pizza. :P)

*Menage a Trois red wine: delicious. It warms my soul. :)

*The creamy, warm, refreshing scent of my B&BW White Tea and Ginger body lotion. (I'm on a lotion kick...haha.)

*The Africa coffee that Camron brought us from Starbucks this weekend. Oh! I think my favorite smell of all is coffee in the bag, or right after it's freshly ground. It makes me feel...at home.

*Pushing my body physically. We started running at work again last week, and I've been pushing myself. It feels good! I love to run...it's my favorite way to clear my mind and cleanse my soul.

*Looking at my baby pictures. I am addicted to nostalgia.

*Quitting smoking. (1. I am embarrassed to admit that I ever did, and 2. I really feel like I am conquering it this time. It's the one thing I've always been most ashamed of myself for, and yet most afraid to give up. Soo...I think I have the right mindset this time, and it feels good!)

*Daydreaming...and realizing that the imaginative part of myself is still very much alive.

*Watching Anne of Green Gables last night. I am connected to that movie in so many emotional ways...I find myself fighting tears most of the movie even though nothing remotely sad is happening. It transports me, takes me back to being the 13-year-old girl who watched it over and over and over again. It's a lovely sensation.

*Taking the time to enjoy the little things...taking the time to focus on the here and now, without worrying about the past...or the future.

Hope you had a wonderful weekend, my friends...on to another week, or "countdown to Friday," as I like to call it. ;)

Love,

Lisa <3

inspiration.

2009-07-10T13:36:00.000-07:00

There is a theme that I have been diggin' lately. It's one that hits very close to home because it was, I believe, my very-own-personal-huge-main life lesson of the past [roughly] two years or so. It's something I used to talk about but I never really knew what it meant...until I realized for myself.

It's the idea of self-confidence. Of individuality. It's something I always used to preached but never really practiced. I used to live inside of myself, hiding, afraid that someone might look in and see who I really was. Not that I thought me was so bad...it's just that I was insecure, and I didn't have the confidence it took to be proud of myself.

And then something huge, something much, much bigger than me, happened in my life that forced me to leap out of my shell and show the self I'd been hiding. I had to say what I really wanted. I had to say who I really was.

It was only the initial leap that was scary.

What came after was much, much better than I could have ever imagined. And in the process, I realized: it's not so bad to be me. In fact, it's the most wonderful thing ever, because it's real! It's refreshing! And it doesn't matter anymore if people like me...because now, I like me!

Anyway. The reason I brought all this up is because a very talented blogger I know (one of my absolute favorites!), Miss Georgia B, posted a wonderful post on the subject of confidence and individuality, which it was just really encouraging to me. Check out this post, if you'd like...(and I'd suggest you check out her blogs, too. She is very talented.) I really wanted to share her post with all of you, because I thought maybe...you guys would find it encouraging, too? Hehe.

But, yes. Thank you, Miss Georgia, for the inspiration. :)

Love,

Lisa <3

little miss bookworm.

2009-07-08T08:02:00.000-07:00

Here I am, blogging at work...again. Haha. Actually, I have a really great excuse this time: the system is down, so I couldn't work if I wanted to. (Key words: wanted to...ahem.)

Well, I hope that everyone had a wonderful 4th of July holiday/weekend! I've always loved this holiday...the upbeat atmosphere, the fireworks, the parades. When I was a kid we'd celebrate with sparklers (we lived in Michigan, where things like that weren't illegal) and at night my dad would put on his own fireworks show for us. Sometimes we'd go watch fireworks in a park on a picnic blanket...it seems like such a long time ago that things were so simple. It didn't take much to make my siblings and I happy!

But, anyway. I've got so many photos in my camera that are just begging to be posted! Ahh, but I am lazy. I guess it's not really laziness so much as me just trying to catch up to daily life. It feels like Bijan and I haven't been home very much lately, so when we are home, I like to simply soak it up. I've been reading a lot lately, too. It feels good! I told Bijan that this is why I can't read: because I turn into that 12 year old girl again who will do nothing but read. Haha. It's so true, though!

Right now I am reading the Twilight saga. I know, I know...you're probably tired of hearing about it! I was hesitant to even begin them because I was sooo sick of seeing everything Twilight everywhere. I felt like it was burned out before I even got a chance to check it out. I didn't want to be just another girl who'd end up getting Facebook bumper stickers that said, "I <3 Vampires" or "Vampires are Sexy" or "Marry Me Edward." Anyway. I had no intention of reading them...and then Bijan's mom gave me the books when she finished them. So there they were. Sitting on my dresser. This giant pile of books just staring at me every time I said I needed to get some books to read.

Ok fine. I finally cracked the first one, and I was hooked! But not because I want to marry Edward (seriously...he's overrated next to my Bij). I am just in love with these books. The writing is simple...there's nothing truly "brilliant" about it. It's the characters. It's the love affair between the author and the characters. Stephanie Meyer loves her characters, and it's very evident in the writing. They are so very real to her, and that shines through. And because she loves them, I can't help but love them. I want to know what happens to them...I need to know. And...part of me is so jealous, because I want some characters of my own to love! But...well that's another story.

So, in case you were wondering what I was doing at night instead of blogging new blogs for all you wonderful folks...well I've been reading Twilight. Actually I'm on Eclipse now, which is the third book. I'm over half way done with that one too...only one more to go after this! I think it's healthy for me, though...to spend my time doing something that doesn't involve the internet. Sometimes I think I get a little too attached. Hehe.

I have a goal of reading 20 books this summer...and I think I've read...3? 4 if you count the one I'm reading. It will be 5 after I finish the series (I read a The Art of Dreaming by Carlos Casteneda before I began "the saga.") And I've got a couple more lined up: Catch 22, Choke, The Problem of Pain, His Dark Materials trilogy...that will make eleven total, haha. Anyone have any suggestions? What have you been reading lately? I'd love to hear, really. I am very diverse in my book taste and I am just eating it up right now.

It looks as though the system is about to come back up, so I suppose that my time is up. But I have lots of San Francisco photos to come soon! Ahhh really I've got all sorts of goodies to share but I just need to find the time. So bear with me. Thank you!

Happy Hump Day! (Is it Wednesday already?)

Love,

Lisa <3

..of flying fishes, and sleeping wide awake..

2009-06-30T08:52:00.000-07:00

I miss writing. I miss my blog. I miss all you guys. :)

I just wanted to do a quick post to say that I'm still around. There is so much going on around me right now that sometimes I'm surprised I even have time to breathe! (But I do...)

I've actually got a lot of different posts up my sleeves. Thinking about changing things up around here, a little. Doing some "themed"-type posts...things like that. Some weekly items to make my blogging a little more fun and interesting.

Anyway, life is good, and full. The summer is flying by...I can't believe tomorrow is July already! It makes me [just a little] sad...I feel like I've hardly gotten in summer mode yet! That might have something to do with this weird weather. Seriously...when will it get hot?? I know that might sound like a weird request, but it's only on those blazing hot days that the beach feels really good. And I want to go to the beach! [insert pout here]

The weekend was nice...[and short.] We spent it in Los Angeles. It's always good to see Bijan's family and our LA friends. Saturday night was awesome when we saw The Room again with Sara, Steve, Dave, and Mikey at the Sunset 5 theaters. Ok. The thing with this movie. You have to watch it. No if's, and's, or but's. It's just something you simply have to do. It is seriously the worst movie ever made. The worst. It's awful. The acting sucks. There is no plot. Nothing makes sense. There are three pointless sex scenes at the beginning of the movie which take up a needless about of time (and they're also gross.) New characters are introduced ten minutes before the movie is over. The girl's mom announces she has cancer and they never talk about it again. Really, it's so awful. And hilarious. It's so bad that it is just soooo freakin' funny. It's become this whole underground-cult-classic kind of a thing...kinda like The Rocky Horror Picture Show. When you see The Room in the theater, it's not like going to a regular movie. The crowd is loud, obnoxious...there's certain parts where the audience has certain things they say, or do. It's sooo much fun! Like, there's this random framed picture of a spoon on a table in the movie, and whenever the Spoon is in view, the audience throws around handlefuls of plastic spoons. And that's just the tip of the ice burg...anyway. I'm a dork, but it's fun.

So, it's going to be a busy week! This isn't a bad thing. As I tell my friends...I like being busy: it makes me feel like I am living! Hehe. Tonight is one last night to just...chill...at home. Read, (I'm hopelessly chained to that friggin' Twilight series until I finish so...I really need to just finish them!) watch some more of Weeds, Season 4 with Bijan, sleeeeeeeep. Haha. That will be my evening tonight. Sighhh. I'm looking forward to it!

Then tomorrow it's Royal Mandarin take-out and a movie at our apartment with Sean & Tina. I'm so excited, we haven't seen them since Vegas! :( It's going to be some much-needed bonding time. Hehe. Only thing is, what to watch??? How I soooo wish I Love You, Man was already out cuz that's some good laughs and it would be fun to watch it with them. Hmmm...[must think about this further...]

And Thursday is a yummy Messican dinner with Angel & Rob in Carlsbad. This will be nice! We got to know them a little better in Vegas and they are a couple of cool cats. ;) Haha. I am happy we are getting closer to them! (hottest chicks in the club, right Angel?? ;P) One of these days I must convince Angel to take some cute couple photos of Bijan and I (she's a wonderful photographer...specializing in people.) Eh eh eh??? Hehehe.

Then, earrrrrrrrrrly Friday morning Bijan and I will be boarding a plane to San Francisco. This trip was a spur of the moment decision. We found the dirt cheap tickets...and the whole thing was just tooooo good to pass up!! Oh, I am so excited! I haven't been to San Francisco since I was seventeen, and I am really excited to go as an adult. We have...no plans...for the weekend other than SF!! Which is exciting to me...it'll be a nice adventure. We'll just wander around and find things to do! Anyway...I'm gushing...sorry...I'll stop.

Allright. Well, I am blogging at work (tisk, tisk, tisk)...and I really should not be. I've got lots to do. I just felt alienated from blogger world and wanted to peak my head up for a bit. Sadly, I've got to submerge again...

Have a wonderful week!

Love,

Lisa<3

what happens in vegas...

2009-06-22T17:32:00.000-07:00

(Photo from the Lion Habitat at MGM Grand in Las Vegas. Pretty sweet, if you ask me. Oh, and they rotate the lions twice a day, and have about a lot of different lions that take turns in there, so they are never stuck in the small area for more than 12 hours or so a day, and only once every two weeks (or something like that)...which was something I was worried about. You can read a little about it here. Anyways.)

What can I say? The weekend was a lot of things, and one of those things was definitely not boring. It was part emotional, part exciting, and I definitely had fun. (I am sorry for those who did not, though...)

It was mine and Bijan's first trip to Las Vegas, and we stayed at the Mandalay Bay hotel, which was wonderful! Neither of us had ever stayed in such a nice hotel room before! The first day there, after driving for 5 hours, I filled the big beautiful tub with water and bubble bath, and soaked for a good 30 minutes. It was heavenly! And that shower: pure bliss. Seriously. I am a big fan of baths and showers...I use them as destressors, add some aroma therapy body wash and it's a wrap for me. Especially when the shower is as incredible as this one--seriously I think I took like 6 showers in 2 days! Haha...I'm weird but there was just this giant shower head that gushed out water, and the temperature was perfect, and the floor was decorated to look like pebbles, and the lighting was dim and relaxing, and ahhhhh. Ok...I'm going to stop talking about the shower before you think I'm an oddball. (If you don't already.) :P

So not only had I never been to Vegas, but I'd also never gambled. Not once. Ever in my life. Ok, so I've bought the occasional lotto ticket, and played 5-dollar-buy-in poker with friends...but I don't think that really counts. I'd never been to a casino to gamble, ever in my life. I had fun! I didn't really know if it would be all that fun, but it was. And the free drinks while playing the slot machines were cool, considering that drinks were outrageously expensive. So we'd sit there and play the penny slots without really spending all that much money, and get free drinks on top of it. ANYWAYS. I ended up winning a total of $140 over the weekend! On slot machines! It was pretty rad. I kinda did the math and figured out that I actually didn't lose any money at all gambling! I won it all back with a little to spare, which was sooo exciting to me! Hehe. I'm a dork.

Well, I didn't end up taking as many photos as I would have hoped, or putting any time into them whatsoever. I was so busy taking it all in! Whenever Bijan tried to rest, I'd drag him up because...hello...there will be time to rest when we're not on vacation anymore!

I think that both of us were a little dazzled by all the lights and noises and just the overall zing of excitement that tainted the air.

There were interesting decorations everywhere, like this chair and bench that were embellished with paintings, bottle caps, and keys. Bijan took advantage of every opportunity to sit, and I didn't blame him. Our poor feet!

There were interesting things underfoot too, like this richley elaborate carpet. I guess it's nothing toooooo special, but I thought the photo came out kinda cool.

The elevators were always crowded. That was fun. Usually it was standing room only, body to body. This photo was taken later at night, so there weren't as many people jammed in. And it was still crowded.

Fun mirror shot while walking back to our hotel room...

All glammed up for Vegas, Baby...

Sooo...that was our trip, or part of it, anyway. Most of those photos are from the first day. I really didn't take a lot Saturday, and there was so much I wish I would have captured! I was seriously kicking myself. Sigh. But I think I might have missed out on more if I was too busy taking photos. I really just wanted to soak everything in since we were there for such a short time.

Anyway, our next trip is to San Francisco for Fourth of July weekend! I have a four day weekend, and yesterday on a whim I decided to check out ticket prices on Southwest. $38 one way!! Sooo we couldn't resist! I am so excited that we've been traveling together...even if it's just a little bit here and there. It is still so much fun having these experiences together. Awwww...

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend, and is having a great week. I'm looking forward to Sara's birthday dinner tonight!

Love,

Lisa<3

pardon the interuption...

2009-06-09T20:49:00.000-07:00

We interrupt this broadcast to make a very important announcement...

I've opened a new blog, again, haha. Check it out, if you're interested! It's still a bit in the works...

amethyst horizon

Anyway my hopes for this new blog is that it will be a solely artistic arena, a place for my more artistic photos and fewer words. It's an experiment, really, something for me to play around with. Hehe. :)

Leave me a comment if you'd like to be added to my email notification list! Either that or follow me. No pressure. :P

Well I've got a lot on my mind and have lots to blog about...but that is for another time! For right now, I need to unwind...take a break from electronics for the evening. Thanks for tuning in!

...You are now returned to your regularly scheduled programming.

fascination with the unusual.

2009-06-06T19:41:00.000-07:00

When Bijan and I set off for a day trip to La Jolla Cove for picnicking, bike-riding, and lounging in the grass with Sean and Tina a couple Saturdays ago, I was expecting to be captivated by the scenery. I was, don't get me wrong. La Jolla is beautiful. The water on the beaches there is extremely clear which is rare for San Diego. The beaches here, while fun, tend to be relatively dirty and murky with sand. So to be able to look down and see the rocks through the water is a treat!

Anyway, I was expecting to be fully immersed in photographing the scenery. For a while I was (and can you blame me, with views such as those below?)

The funny thing is, I ended up being completely fascinated by something else altogether. There in the park, perched quite happily as though it was nothing out of the ordinary whatsoever, was this.

A Pink Panther bus. Set up all around it was lacey furniture, dolls, tea pots, a fluffy pink umbrella...etc. I could not stop looking at it, or taking photos either.

The oddness of the whole thing really struck me. I wanted to know...who these people were. Were they some sort of secret (or not so secret) society? Maybe a couple of cooky old ladies who were really obsessed with Pink Panther? Did they live there? Were they just looking for attention? They didn't seem to be bothered by my camera as I clicked away; in fact I was pretty much ignored. I really really really wanted to ask them what it was all about, but alas, I was too afraid. I didn't want to be the annoying hundredth person to ask them such a thing. So I stayed in my mind, pondering, snapping photographs, wondering.

People never cease to intrigue me. I find it so inconvenient, sometimes, that I am forever stuck in my own head. I will only ever be able to know what it is like to be me, to think like me, to see the world the way I do. At times I am so curious to know what drives people, what inspires them to do the things they do. What happened in their life to lead them to where they are today? I was burning with curiosity, and still am.

At any rate, it made for some fabulous photos, no?

Love,

Lisa<3

i don't want to.

2009-05-28T13:41:00.000-07:00

I don't understand.
I don't fit in.
I can't find it in me
To make myself think like
They do.
Don't want to.

I feel out of place
Searching, reaching for dreams
They can't comprehend.
Wanting so much more than
This world,
This place,
This institution.

What's important to me
Is beyond them, and
Vice versa.
They're content while I am
Restless . . .
They want to move up, I want to move
Far, far away
From all of it.

My thoughts carry me
To worlds only dreamed of;
Their ships carry them to
Desert lands,
Away from here,
Away from love, and
They laugh.

They want it, they want to
Go.
It would break my heart, end my world to
Leave.

How can this be enough?
How can they be satisfied?
Why don't they want more?
I can't understand.
I can't comprehend.
I don't want to.

pretty little things.

2009-05-16T20:16:00.000-07:00

Today, it was all about noticing the small things. There is beauty everywhere, you know. It was a day that I needed desperately. Yes, I've got a lot of studying to do for my final on Wednesday, but, I needed to enjoy some magic for a little while, ok? :)

After running a few errands, Bijan and I came home and decided to go for a bike ride. The day had started off kind of cloudy, but by this time, the sun was out and it was the most beautiful day. Not too hot, not too cold, just...wonderful.

We got some subway for lunch and then took it to this quiet little park in our area. I slipped off my shoes and settled onto a towel that we'd spread out on the grass. I snapped some photos in between bites.

I always like to see how he sees me...what angles he chooses to use...it's almost like looking through his eyes for a minute. <3

The secret life of bees...

The outdoors took my breath away today...so much natural art...

A little ice cream treat...

On the way home, we stopped at Starbucks for some iced white mochas. Yummmm...hehehe. I stayed outside with the bikes, and while I was waiting, I noticed this bird of paradise. I always love these flowers, so unique and colorful. But what I loved about this one was the tiny little droplet of water...like a tear, almost. Beautiful.

I needed a day like today.

Love,

Lisa<3

sugar high.

2009-05-14T12:30:00.000-07:00

The system is down at work today, and I am going to take a guilt free moment to indulge in some much needed blogging. :) I've missed this world! I think I shy away from blogging when I have a lot of homework that I'm neglecting. I think I feel guilty spending time writing a blog when I should be spending it writing a paper...so I tell myself, after I do my homework, I can blog...but then I don't do my homework, ahhh sigh. :) That's ok though. I only have one more week left and then I'll have 3 months of freedom.

I really want to take time this summer to relax, and to do lots of fun things and have a lot of really enjoyable days. I love making memories. In essence, it's really all we have...there's the moment that we're in, and then it passes, and it becomes a memory. I'd like to make each moment memorable.

I've got some goals for the summer:

1) Develop a stronger [fiction] writing habit. I write journal style all the time (aka this blog), but it is my love of fiction that I always neglect. I think because I love it so much and because it feels sooo good to create it, I allow myself to be more afraid of it. Hmmm...but anyway. My fiction class this semester has been really wonderful. It's helped me to really see things more clearly in regards to my writing. I think that I finally understand what I need to do to become more consistent.

2) Play with photography. It's a hobby that I've really allowed to slide since my awesome start at the beginning of the year. But, I don't feel that bad about it, because school really had to take priority. During my summer break I really want to explore this genre of art and creativity more deeply. I definitely want to thoroughly chronicle all of my adventures this summer, and there are sure to be plenty!

3) Spend a lot of time outdoors. I want to outside, exploring, seeing, doing. Not just sitting inside behind darkened windows with my face glued to the television. Don't get me wrong, I'm not toooo bad of a couch potatoe, but when I am feeling stressed about work and things I tend to crave soft pj's and a comfy pillow and something mind-numbing on the tube. It just helps take me away, you know? But I think if I am out there, making my own stories...well I think that would combat stress even more effectively, don't you?

4) Take plenty of time off. This is a must. In June I am taking off 4 days when we go to Vegas. In July, my sister is coming for a visit and I think I'll take a week there. Aaaand...I think as a special treat to myself I will take another week off in August, just before school starts. Time to just be in town and relax and enjoy myself, with no company except my babe and all the time in the world.

This last goal is very important, I think. Last night...well I think I had my first panic attack ever. I don't know what else it could have been, it was awful. I suddenly felt like my world was ending, like there was no way that I was ever going to feel better, like I'd never be able to think like myself again, like I was drowning, and then there was a rush of adrenaline and I just started crying, for no reason, and I was surged with that feeling you get when you almost get into a car wreck, and don't. That pumping feeling in your veins, this weakness in my body. It was so weird, and scary...Bijan has anxiety so he knew exactly what was happening to me and he was very sweet, and he just held me until I felt better and fell asleep.

I mean, of course I know what my stress trigors are, and that they've been higher than normal. It's finals week, and I have a lot to study, so I know that contributed. On top of that the fact that I work a very mundane, yet busy job...it's just a non-stop slew of the same thing over and over and over again allllll day long...and I dread work more than I ever have in my life. I know I sound ungrateful, but there are days where I feel like collapsing just because I don't think I can take one more day of it, and then on top of it all the work is thankless, it's always "do more, do more" and never "great job!" Ugh. I am a spoiled whiney brat who should be thankful that times aren't harder for me right now...but still. I just let it overwhelm me sometimes.

So...I really need some time off, some time to recoup, become myself again. Cuz I don't ever want to have a panic attack again...

Anyway. Thanks for letting me get it all out. I feel a little better already. So yeah. :)

On to happier subjects. Two weekends ago we went out to Fiesta Island with Sean and Tina and their wave runners for the day. It was a Wonderful (yes, with a capital W) day! I forgot to take my camera so I missed out on lots of good photo opps. It was fun...we found a spot and just camped out all day, with a cooler full of sandwich stuff, chips, dessert and beer. You're not supposed to drink on any of the beaches around here anymore...but nobody was getting all loud and crazy so everyone left us alone. It just felt good to relax in the sun with some beers and good friends and the sun and the water and the waverunners. Which, by the way, are sooo freakin' fun! Hehehe. I think the next date is the 24th? Anyone who didn't go last time should definitely come this time...you won't be sorry.

There are soooo many fun things coming up, right around the corner! Vegas is only a little more than a month away! I am excited to have that experience for the first time. I am especially looking forward to the days by the pool and some pina coladas...yummm. It will be so much fun.

Allright well...that's quite enough out of me for the day. There's not much of a point to this post other than to say...hello out there, and I am still alive, and that I am pretty sure I shouldn't eat any more Trolli strawberry puffs today, as I've had quite enough, thanks.

summer girls.

2009-05-12T21:37:00.000-07:00

Quick trip down memory lane. I used to love this song! My, how times have changed...

PS: I recommend turning off my playlist before playing. :P

Love,

Lisa<3

fast forward. >>

2009-04-07T09:51:00.000-07:00

Ever get that feeling that you're just...running on empty? Seriously. That is how I feel these days.

I feel like someone picked up the wind-up clock that controls all time and started spinning the giant hands as fast as they could--and trust me, it's pretty fast. Sigh.

Lately I've just felt like the world is flying past me in fast forward, and I'm still stuck on regular time just trying to catch up. Work, school, work, school, work...and then when the weekend is finally here, it's like triple fast motion. When I am driving home after work I just look at all the sunshine and the blue sky and the people on their bicycles and I'd just like to taste a little bit of leisure right about now.

I guess what I am trying to say is, I need a vacation.

Who doesn't, though?

I'm ok, though, no need to worry about me. Like, at home, things are really good. So good, in fact, that I think this is why I've been feeling so backed up. All I want to do, like really, is just be home with my babe...And eat good food and watch movies and take walks and go to the beach and go on drives and laugh and go shopping and go sight seeing and just...have fun. Haha.

But, anywayssss...Enough complaining. :) Right now I am on Spring Break, so really, this is going to be a nice break. Instead of going to school after work, I get to go home! So, in a way, I kind of do get a vacation.

I was sick last week. That made work really hard...and I am so sorry I've been neglecting my blog! I've opened up a new post several times in the past week or so...only to just be like...blahhh. I don't know. I need to get out in the sunshine and take some pretty pictures so I'll have something to share with the world. Right now I just feel all moldy from winter and I just need to shake that off a bit, I think. Spring is here!

Sean and Tina moved far awayyyyy. :( Awwww. Ok. Well, they're a 25 minute drive away now as opposed to a 10 minute drive. So it's not that bad, I suppose. Hehe. But we will still miss them. It was nice going to the mall on Sunday with Tina, and then barbecuing at their new San Marcos home afterwards. I <3 corn on the cob, by the way. Yummm...

What's new? I think I might have gotten Bijan sick, and I feel really bad. I'd really rather be at home taking care of him right now than sitting here at work. I miss him, and I just want to go make him soup, and cuddle. :P

This morning I had to be at work an hour earlier than usual. I really don't understand why I don't get up so early more often. It was so pretty. The sky was sort of half peachy pink, and half purply blue, and the air was just so cool and soft. I love being outside before the whole world is awake. Birds are tweeting, and you can smell the damp smell of grass that's wet with dew. It's just so dreamy, that point of day where dreamland meets the real world, and everything is just so still and pretty. I just...love it.

Yesterday I made shrimp creole for dinner, using a recipe that I got from my mom. It turned out sooo awesome and I was so extremely proud of myself! Haha. I think that I need to get a blank recipe book or some recipe cards or something so I can start collecting them. I've been cooking a lot more lately, and I am finding that instead of it being this big horrible task that I dread, I actually love it, and when I am done I feel accomplished and I enjoy the food that much more. Soo...I need more recipes! Tell me your faves! Hehehe.

Also...I want to read more. I really used to eat books (ok...not really eat them) at a rather astonishing rate. And now it takes me forever to get through just one book. I know that it's because I am so busy these days, and I also have a lot of reading to do for my classes. But still...a little reading for my own personal pleasure and/or knowledge shouldn't be this hard to achieve. So anyway. This week since I am on Spring Break I am reading Neil Gaimon's new novel, "The Graveyard Book." It is brilliant. He is brilliant. Oh, if I could spend just one day inside his head, just one day, it would change my life. I swear. If you haven't yet read anything by him, then you must immediately do so. You must.

(You must also tell me some of your favorite books, so I can explore other genres and things...)

Wellll apparently this is what happens when Lisa doesn't blog in weeks!! You get a whole book! Hahaha. I should really be getting back to work, although, you shouldn't let this blog fool you. I'm actually really on my game today! I've been setting my own little personal goals at work, and meeting them, and when I meet them I allow myself a few minutes of internet time just to get a little break from staring at the same crap all day. So this is my break for the morning. Hehehe.

So, I hope everyone is having a great day...tomorrow is Wednesday! But no need to worry, the weeks just fly by these days anyway...at least for me they do! Ahhh sighhh. I need to stop blabbering now...okkkkkkkk. That is all.

Love,
Lisa<3

abstractions.

2009-03-23T00:38:00.000-07:00

These abstract thoughts in my head, vivid and wonderful, terrifying and vague. They are difficult to explain, when so many people just think the same. It makes me wonder if anyone ever took a moment to think for themselves. My heart is pleading with every beat and rush of blood. I don't have all the answers, but I keep on walking anyway.

bubbles.

2009-03-11T22:14:00.001-07:00

World o' Blogger, how I miss Thee!! :)

Sorry I've been absent lately. Things have been busy. School is swarming up all around me and I am [trying] to be responsible. It's half working. Sigh.

I feel bad, I don't have any photos to share. :( I will soon though, very soon. I'm just...swamped at the moment.

Anyway, I just wanted to post a quick little update to let everyone know I am still alive. I wish I had something more inspirational to say. Lately, all of my deep thoughts aren't forming as words. Don't you hate it when that happens? It's like...I think in abstracts, a lot, and I don't even know how to put into words what I am thinking. It all makes perfect sense in my head, yet when I reach to put it into words, they scatter, like steam when you try to grasp it. Or a bubble that is so beautiful and looks so tantalizingly lovely that you just want to hold it, but when you grab it, it's just...gone. A quick spray, and it's like it never existed. That's how my thoughts are these days. Steam. Bubbles. So real and so very there...yet beyond words, somehow.

(Speaking of bubbles, I love the scene in Cinderella where she is cleaning the floor and all the bubbles are around her and all of her reflections start singing with her. It's one of my all-time favorite Disney movie scenes.)

I'll be back soon, in full force! I just have to get through midterms. :/ Ahhhh. Fun.

Love,

Lisa <3

the struggle.

2009-03-02T13:15:00.000-08:00

The pen and I have a love-hate relationship. We need each other. It feels sturdy and familiar gripped firmly between my fingers. The ink flows out smoothly for me, as the miracle of thought-made-tangible happens right before my very eyes. The tip of the pen holds endless possibilities, and I can feel a tingle of excitement when I think of what might come out of it.

As much as we love each other, the pen and I don't always get along. Some days, the pen won't write exactly what I am trying to say, and I get frustrated. I scribble away on the page and everything is disconnected and incomplete. On days like this, I'll toss the pen aside, cursing it, condemning it, swearing I'll never pick it up again.

But, there's nothing I hate worse than when we fight.

I try doing other things. I'll try reading a book, but the beautifully written words hit me too close to home and make me bitter at my lack of inspiration. So the book must go. I'll try watching a movie, but all I can see is the wonderfully woven story, and I am bitter yet again. The pen lies patiently in the dark corner, but I won't look at it. You're letting me down today, you.

I may try cooking to take my mind off of the pen. Who needs the pen? Not me. I am just fine without it. I'm washing my hands of it. As I toss vegetables and meats together, little fragments of stories and ideas tease the edge of my mind, and I try to brush them off.

I'll try going outside. The pen can't taunt me outside. As I walk I see vivid greens and reds and yellow, little white picket fences and whistling birds. I see worn dirt paths and cracks in the graying sidewalk. Women walking, talking, laughing, couples holding hands. As I watch my surroundings descriptions and setting are filling my mind, stories are begging to be told, and my fingers itch.

Back inside, I stare at the penitent little pen. I don't think it meant to upset me, I don't think it tried to make things difficult. Maybe...maybe, I'll just...just...pick it up, and, try again...

I feel truly at home with pen to paper. Tiring as the process may be, I am even more miserable when I try to stop. There are stories to be told, and my soul aches to tell them...so, I press on.

on a warm winter's day.

2009-03-01T12:02:00.001-08:00

Yesterday morning we woke up to blue skies, sunshine, and a sense of adventure. We knew it was going to be a good day.

Living in San Diego, I sometimes get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of daily life that I find myself forgetting to take a moment to look around. The city I live in...is...well it's the city I want to live in. It's beautiful, there's so much to do, good shopping, and only an hour and a half away from Los Angeles, which is also a fun city. Anyway. Some days I find myself just coming home from work and shutting myself up in our apartment, in front of the television or my laptop (ahemm...), just wallowing in my own humdrumity (made it up :P). But, on days like yesterday, we decide that we want a little taste of vacation at home, and we go somewhere exciting.

Yesterday, we went to Coronado Island. It is only about a 10 minute drive from where we live, and it is such a wonderful place to visit. Funny, that I am usually too lazy to drive over there. Maybe it's the gigantic bridge across the ocean that I find a bit daunting? I don't know. But yesterday, we knew, the island was calling our names.

We ate yummy gyros for lunch with a great view of the ocean. It was incredible, the sense of calm and relaxation that settled over me, just to see the San Diego skyline like that. Like, for a moment in time, we were able to get away from it all and see things from a different perspective.

And you know I took my camera. I'm sorry if I went a bit overboard...I just got so many good shots and couldn't find it in me to leave any of the good ones out. Soo...here's my weekly photo post. :P

A little pond in the town square, amidst all the little restaurants.

For those who aren't from here, that's the San Diego skyline in the background.

Playing with shadows. ;)

Have you ever had one of those days where everything is perfect, and you just wish it would never end? Yeah... :)

Sailboat!

The water washing up on the shore captivates my attention...

A little taste of heaven when I'm with you...

Berries! I didn't eat any though...I don't think these are the eating kind. Haha. My little sister used to called them "pu' berries," because of this movie we saw when we were kids. The main character was in the wilderness and ate red berries like these, and threw up, and referred to them as puke berries for the rest of the movie. Hehehe.

I loved this...this little star flower in nature overpowering the big man made city in the background, getting all the attention, what's really important in life?...I dunno...just some of the thoughts in my head. :)

Soo, there's a little peak into our great adventure for the weekend. Hope you enjoyed the photos as much as I enjoyed taking them. :P

Love,

Lisa <3

listening.

2009-02-27T13:25:00.000-08:00

As I sit back, at lunch time, underneath the cold florescent lights, surrounded by pizza and coworker friends, I listen as I am wont to do. I don't speak much, just smile and listen to the conversation, interjecting here and there. But mostly, listening. And thinking.

He says, "Guys don't tell the truth. No girl wants to hear the real truth."

The other one says, "It is impossible for a guy to say no. And no girl wants to hear that. It's just, impossible."

The first one says, "Open relationships would be better because then there wouldn't be any dishonesty. No lying, and no cheating, because it would open and it would all be aloud."

I just smile. On the outside, of course. Inside, a bit of me is offended. Offended, and almost, wounded. I am fairly accepting of other people's views and I never bash anyone for what they believe. To each his own...

But words like these. They hurt sometimes, it's no one's fault. Nevertheless, it makes me sad. It makes me wonder if there is anyone left who thinks like I do. Is there anyone else out there who believes in true love? Anyone else out there who believes in one man, one woman...and that it's not a fairy tale? I feel defensive because I want to scream, "No! I've found a good one." But there isn't any use, because they have already been jaded by disappointment and dissatisfaction and heartache.

Maybe I am old fashioned. A cup of tea for me, please, and an apron, too? I spent all my life fighting my upbringing, without realizing I would come around full circle, right back to the original beliefs. Those beliefs, perhaps modified a bit and more modern, but still the same in their basic structure and form.

In these moments I cannot help but feel humbled and grateful, at my good fortune in having found "a good one." One who I know does not lie. One who would say no, every time. One who means every word he says to me, and proves it daily with not only his words but his actions. I wonder that I somehow found him amidst all of the chaos and noise blurring all around me.

I don't look down on people for anything. But I can't help...but feel troubled, for in my line of work, this is a conversation I have heard...countless times. There isn't much you can say...just listen, and smile, and nod, and think...

Then wash your hands in the cold porcelain sink and go back to work.

"i love how you have this way of talking in circles that makes perfect sense."

2009-02-26T07:55:00.000-08:00

I am in babble mode. Today is a slow day at work due to connectivity issues...so we are pretty much just here to take up time. Lame, I know. But at least I don't have to do much.

So, anyway. I feel like I've been neglecting my blog lately. It's not that I haven't been in the mood to blog, I have. It's just that my thoughts have been all over the place and I can't decide where I'm at. Some of you probably noticed that I didn't do a normal "photos of the week" blog on Saturday. That's because...I kind of slacked off last week, and I've been slacking off this week, too. I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to take a-photo-a-day that I was just starting to get lazy with it. So, I decided to give myself some time off to get my creative juices flowing again. I'll still do a photo blog on Saturday, but just with a different theme.

The other issue I am having with blogging: I think I have too many themes. In other words, I think I need more than one blog. I need a blabber blog. I need a Writing (capital W :P) blog. I need a photo blog. Maybe I need more than one photo blog. I've been thinking of making an actual photos of the week blog. And maybe a music/lyrics/photo blog with posts similar to my last one. Aand maybe a fashion blog. Or something like that, some kind of alternative take on fashion. I've been really into thrift shopping lately so I thought that maybe I could do a blog about thrifty fashion, or you know, post photos of the outfits I throw together from thrift shopping and my thrifty finds or something like that. I don't really know yet. I just...well I have so much stuff simmering around in my head that I just need to sit down one day and organize it all. Soo...yeah. That's where I'm at right now. Haha.

Obviously, this post would belong in the talking blog. Haha.

I've still been Kaboodling a lot lately. I have become an internet junkie, and seriously, I think that sometimes muddles up my head. I sometimes think that I need a week-long hiatus from the internet to get my head clear again. Sometimes, I crave the internet. Is that bad?

Well anyway. It feels good to blabber after focusing on structured writing this past week. Stupid essay. I had to write an essay for my American Lit class and I just was not feeling it, at all. Blehh. I know I know, I'm an English major, I should be used to it by now. But...yechck. I just could not get into it. Plus the subject matter is very dry, cuz we are in verrrry early American literature right now (think: letters written by Puritans) and it's just not my fave thing. Soo...anyway. It feels good to just babble on and on aimlessly without much of a point, knowing that no one is going to grade me.

At least, I don't think.

So. Here you have this humble post from me. Nothing pretty to look at, just a few words randomly slapped together. Hope you are enjoying this Thursday morning...Friday can't come too soon. (I'll cheers to that. *raises coffee cup*) Tonight is Office night. Goal for this week: I must not procrastinate on homework. Nope. :P

Love,

Lisa<3

in the flowers.

2009-02-21T11:06:00.000-08:00

A song by Animal Collective.

(I've seen this being done lately, and thought it was beautiful, and wanted to give it a try.)

A dancer who was high in a field from a moment

Caught my breath on my way home

Couldn’t stop that spinning force

I fell into you
Everything drowns you to giggle
You are up with the flower and I care

So the dancer who gets wild to the deep reveling rhythm
But I am always away for weeks
that pass slow like mind gets lost

Feeling envy for the kid who danced in spite of anything
And we’re out in the flowers and feel better

If I could just leave my body for the night

Then we could be dancing no more missing you while I am gone
Then we could be dancing and you’d smile and say I like this song

And then ours would meet them we will recognize nothing’s wrong
And I wouldn’t feel so selfish I won’t be this way very long

To hold you in time
To hold you in time

To hold you in time
To hold you in time

And we’re dancing, early hours drunken days finally ended
And the streets turn for pillowcase
And I fumble all good lie
Then the ecstasy turns the writhing light through our windowpane
Now I am gone, I left flowers for you there

love is in the air.

2009-02-16T16:10:00.000-08:00

Well, it has been a lovely weekend. I'm sorry that it's almost over, and I'm even more sorry about my stack of homework I've been attempting to complete. Oh well. I thought I'd do a quick blog to take my mind off of the hum drum activities, and the rain outside, which won't stop. I normally love the rain but I am just over it already. It was such beautiful weather on Saturday, so sunny and blue and golden, and I am just tired of the grey. Sunshine...come baaack!!

So anyway. Enough of my gloom. Saturday was just wonderful. I've never had a really, really good Valentine's Day before. I've never really altogether cared, but, well, since Bijan and I are so in love and all, it just seemed fitting that this is the first time either of us have had a fantastic February 14th. While we were driving around on Saturday, Bijan said it best, "Love is in the air today. I never used to know what they meant by that. But now I do, cuz today, you can just feel it." :)

Chocolates from my babe. :) I've never gotten chocolates on Valentine's Day before, so it was ultra special.

This lovely gift was awaiting us when we got to our room. It was super tasty, too.

The "living" area of the suite. It was so cozy!

The sink and shots of the bathroom.

The most comfortable bed. [ever.]

Little note from the hotel. :)

Bijan before we headed out for dinner. (We ate at an awesome Persian restaurant btw, and it was realllly really good.)

My outfit. The dress I was originally going to wear was too small, and when I went to return it, this is what I came out with. I loved it though! And so did Bijan, especially the flowered tights. :P

Soo...that was our weekend in a nutshell. I've decided that when I have my own house (errr...when WE have OUR own house :P) that I m.u.s.t. have a bathtub with jets. There is just...uhm...no way around that one.

Love,

Lisa <3

photos of the week: volume five.

2009-02-14T11:42:00.000-08:00

I'm supposed to get up and got make Bijan and I some breakfast, but instead I am still cozy in our bed with my laptop, well, on my lap. :) Anyways. It's a special holiday and in a few hours we will be heading to our hotel downtown for a little in-town getaway. I can't wait! Especially for that jacuzzi bath tub. Oh my. :)

Photo time. :P

8.February.2009. Lucky number 7.

9.February.2009. So I fell for a rock star. ;)

10.February.2009. Downtown.

11.February.2009. Sunrise through the dew on my bedroom window. Favorite. <3

12.February.2009. So it's not that artistic, but it's one of my favorite beers. :)

13.February.2009. I love photographing this lamp.

14.February.2009. Happy Valentine's Day!

Love,

Lisa <3>

the whole kit and...kaboodle.

2009-02-13T22:53:00.001-08:00

Dear World o' Blogger,

I apologize for the lack of posts in the past week. I have been busy. Busy working, going to class, working on my writing (yes, that is one New Year's Resolution I have stuck to!), and lastly, indulging in my latest obsession: Kaboodle.

Oh yes.

The wonderful Miss Tina introduced me to this intoxicating new little toy. When I went to the main page, there was a button that said "Join." And underneath this button, there was little notice, which said, "Warning: 100% Free, 200% Addictive!" I laughed and clicked "Join." Once signed up, I clicked around the site a bit hesitantly, looked around at other peoples little "lists" of clothes and shoes and furniture and gadgets and beauty products and well, pretty much anything else you could think of. And after that...I just started clicking...and clicking...and clicking away, creating my own lists, seemingly unable to stop.

At work the next day, I secretly e-shopped courtesy of Kaboodle and hid all of my sneaky windows underneath what was presumably work. (Click, click, click. Oooh that's cute, I must add it to my list, click click click-click-click-click-click!)

Anyway. This has been going on for the past few days, as I have become addicted to surfing the net for clothes/shoes/make up/lotion/beauty products/bedding/swimsuits/pants/dresses/etc and adding them to my little Kaboodle lists. Why it's so fun? I don't know. It didn't sound all that fun to me when I first heard of it. It's hard to explain why it is so awesome.

Sooo...I have finally come up for air. When I close my eyes I see clothes. And that is reallllly really bad!! Haha. Anyway...I asked Bijan, "Do you think it's lame that I find this so entertaining?"

He laughed. "You're a girl. You can get away with it. And I think it's cute." Yeah. He really loves me. :)

Ok well enough of my nonsense. This evening I spent some time editing my photos for tomorrow's blog. I just have one more photo to take, and I have the perfect thing. A much more substantial and meaningful blog will be here tomorrow morning when I do my weekly photo blog. Ahhh. I just needed to confess about my silly little secret.

Have a Happy Valentine's Day tomorrow everyone!

Love,

Lisa<3

washed and golden new.

2009-02-09T18:32:00.000-08:00

It rained all weekend. It's still raining. I love the rain (Though I hate having to go to work in it! That was a fun walk from my car this morning!) and I love being nice and cozy in our apartment and listening to the swishy, tingy sound of water outside. Most of all, I love when the sun reappears after a shower. The world is fresh and new and washed from the rain, and the sun peaks his sleepy head out from behind the clouds, and yawns and stretches his rays across the earth. Yesterday I caught him just after he had woken up, and snapped a few photos.

Love,

Lisa<3

gadget girl.

2009-02-08T14:45:00.001-08:00

I know that I already posted yesterday, but I am just having too much fun with my new gadgets that I had to do another one today! Haha.

So, I'm not trying to come on here and brag or anything, but I am just excited to finally have some more "tools" to advance my creative side. It's funny cuz in the past I've never been big on "gadgets" (geez I feel like I am really overusing that word!) But recently I've become a little more modern in my interests and technology is really starting to excite me. Haha. Christmas and my birthday were great to me (lots of fun new toys!), and today I finally got my own MacBook. I felt a little guilty about it...but the thing is that I'm 24 and I've never had my own laptop or my own computer ever and I'm finally at a point where I can feasibly do it sooo yeah I think I've earned it. Haha. So anyway. All I need is one more "gadget" and I'll be set for a looong time...the CHI straightener. Haha. I think I have enough for now though.

So anyway. My laptop has a newer edition of iPhoto, which is what I have been using to edit my photos until I have a better grasp on Photoshop. iPhoto is waaaaaaay easier to use, but it's somewhat limited. So anyway, this newer edition has even more tools and I like it a lot (though it's chump change compared to Photoshop) but it's better than what I was using so I am really excited! Anyway I took a couple of photos with my new Canon PowerShot from Bijan (he loves meeee <3)>

Bijan and I went to Starbucks before our little excursion to Fashion Valley Mall. Look at him, my handsome Persian guy. ;)

Here's me!! I'm really excited about the clarity of my new camera, and the effects on the new iPhoto! The clouds in this one got me really excited hahaha. (I'm not sure if I went a little overboard with the retouch tool, hmm, do I look a little too airbrushed?? The new retouch tool is waaay more advanced and so it's pretty powerful, I have to get used to it...hehe).

Allright. I am really excited about the future of my writing and photography* (*I realize that I am suuuuuper beginner when it comes to the term "photography" and "photographer" buut well, I get a lot of pleasure out of capturing an image and turning into something which represents how I see the world. But it's just my fun little hobby which feeds my creative side and makes me feel good about myself. :P) My new little toys will help me to advance in my artistic side, and I am excited to see how my writing will take off now that I actually have a place to keep it. So anyway. I am just blabbing and excited!

OHH and the MacBook has a program called iWeb which is kinda like a web design program for dummies, hehe. Which means (dun dun dunnnn) I can much more easily design a new layout for my blog. So look for that sooon. Hehehe yayyy. :)

So anyway. I hope everyone is having a lovely weekend. I reaaaaally don't want to go to work tomorrow.

Love,

Lisa<3

photos of the week: volume four.

2009-02-07T12:06:00.000-08:00

I think I need to come up with a more catchy name for these weekly blogs. Hmm. Haha.

Well anyways, my birthday evening was sooooooo much fun! After meeting at our apartment, we all went out for a lovely sushi dinner. We had a lot of fun and the food was so very yummy! I am a big fan of edemame (sp?) beans, and I definitely got plenty of those. Yummm. Once we were finished with dinner, we headed to the Blue Foot Lounge for some drinks and dancing.

We walked there. It was awesome. I guess I'm maybe the only one who thinks so! Haha. I felt bad for making everyone walk but I just love walking to bars, especially because you notice all the little things you'd never notice if you drove. And it wasn't...that...far. I mean it was a little ways, probably a 10 minute walk, but it was fun! Ahh. After the bar was the best part. We got stuck in a rain storm. For the first few drops I was like...Oh no! We're going to get wet!

And then Bijan said the magic words, "Just enjoy it, babe. It's just water. Just have fun!"

And I (with the help of the Jack and Coke in my system) completely let go. We laughed and ran around and jumped in puddles and it was just the most liberating experience I've had in a long time. We were soaking wet, my make up was everywhere but my eyes...but we were like a bunch of little kids again! I never used to have qualms about being out in the rain (in fact I used to beg my mom to let me go out in it) so it was wonderful to remember those feelings and be like a little kid again. You know, it's funny how things change when you become "grown up" and how you forget the simple pleasures that you appreciated as a child. Anyway. It was nice to come home and cozy up in pj's and let the heater warm our bones as we watched ridiculous cartoons. Sigh.

So, on to the photos of the week. :)

1.February.2009. Pleasurable leather.

2.February.2009. Pretty much sums it up.

3.February.2009. Rosie skies and abstract blues.

4.February.2009. So I have this thing with umbrellas...

5.February.2009. Cozy lamp.

6.February.2009. Creamy sake.

7.February.2009. (Today I get two, because I said so.) Flowers from my family, but mostly my Daddy. <3

There's nothing quite like catching a butterfly.

At this moment, I am completely satisfied. I love moments like this.

Love,

Lisa<3

24 (not the show)

2009-02-06T13:21:00.000-08:00

That's how old I am today. I don't feel that old. I mean I know that's not old or anything, but still. It's funny to think of the fact that 14 is already 10 years ago. I was 14 a decade ago. Are you kidding me?? In some ways I get it. 14 was a long freakin time ago. But in others...well, I remember 14 like it was yesterday. But it wasn't yesterday. It was 10 years ago.

Haha.

It's not like birthdays are that big of a deal once you pass 21. But I dunno. I enjoy my birthday...I enjoy the one day where it's well, all about me. Haha. I know, I am very spoiled sometimes. Bijan sang happy birthday to me this morning when I woke him up to kiss him good bye. It was very sweet. :) He always makes me smile. I am very excited to go home because I have the feeling I am going to feel even more special when I get there! He has some surprise cooking up his sleeve and I'm itching to know what it is. I'm not a big snooper (at least, not when it comes to presents! We'll ignore the ways in which I do snoop for now!) so he always manages to surprise me. He's good at spoiling me. Very good.

Anyways. I can't wait for tonight. I'm going to wear a pretty flowery dress and my boots and probably wear my hair up and do my make up dark. I'm excited that my friends are coming out, it always makes me feel special that there are people who want to celebrate me!! I really hope it's not cold and rainy but ehh. If it is we'll just improvise! :)

I am so excited about the weekend, too. But I'm afraid that it will fly by. Isn't that sad that I'm thinking about that already? Sigh. It will be fun. Ooh and then next weekend is Valentine's Day and a three day weekend. So that's something else to look forward to...there's always something to look forward to!

Anyway. I don't feel very interesting this afternoon, I just need to pass the time! I still have 2 1/2 hours to go till the end of the day! Oooh how will I ever survive? The minutes are just ticking away ever so slowly and I just feel stuck here, glued to my seat while all that fun is going on outside. Why do they keep me here? They made a big deal about it being my birthday and yet I'm still here. Hehe. I am usually pretty good at hiding the spoiled brat inside of me. But not today. Not on my birthday. I am allowed to be spoiled on my birthday! :)

I'm hoping for some good photo opps tonight. Tomorrow is my photos of the week blog and so far my photos are just so-so. At least, I think. I am hoping to find something spectacular to photograph between tonight and tomorrow so that my blog will be interesting. Hehe.

Some cute finds of the day:

People at work are pissing me off. I'm just listening to them talk and they aren't even talking to me, it's just that the ignorance pisses the hell out of me. I can't wait to be around normal people again. I am tired of the ignorance. Blehhhh. >:P

Ok. It's my birthday so I'm back to being happy now. :) I just need to get outta here.

Love,

Lisa Ann<3 (the spoiled birthday girl) :P

when the cat's away, the mice will play.

2009-02-03T13:09:00.000-08:00

So I realize that I've been posting blogs lately as if it's just been announced that the end of the world is next week and everyone had better say everything they have to say before that time. (Actually, the "end of the world" freaks me out and I'd rather not think about it at all.) Anyway. I apologize for the barrage of blog updates in your email inboxes. Either I'm really bored, or I just have a lot to say lately. Probably a little of both. :)

There's a lot of fun stuff coming up!! I am very excited about my birthday this weekend. Hehe. I can't wait for everyone to come out and go bar hopping with me. (Quick sidenote: if anyone tries to force me to take shots or drink something I don't want to, you are kicked out of my birthday entourage. That really stresses me out and makes me feel pressured and annoyed. I just want to have yummy drinks and enjoy myself and get a nice buzz on but contained enough that I can go home and drink a liter of water and pass out and feel fine the next day. So there.) ;) Hehe. Although, I have to say I am really happy about my final decision on how I want to celebrate. Walking to bars from our apartment is something that I think is really fun sooo...uhm yeah, that's what I wanna do! Haha.

I am also very excited about Valentine's Day. I love that Bijan and I have been getting out more and doing more things. I feel best when I feel like I am actively experiencing life, as opposed to passively sitting in my living room with my eyeballs glued to the television. Don't get me wrong: I love my TV-on-DVD and definitely enjoy binging every couple of weeks or so but then it's nice to get back outside or wherever, just seeing things and making memories and savoring experiences. So yeah. Our little mini-vacation in downtown San Diego for Valentine's Day is going to be a real treat for me. I've never done anything like it.

We're going to stay in a suite at The Sofia Hotel, which I drive past on my drive home from work, and it looks soooooooo nice and elegant. I am most excited about the jacuzzi tub in the bathroom!! Oh my gosh. Heaven.

Also, I got a dress for our date that night and fulfilled one of my goals for 2009: "Get a little black dress." I am very excited about this one, I've never had a dress this cute before!

But yeah. I still don't know where we're going to dinner?? We need to figure it out soon cuz everyone is going to book up all the good places before us!! But anyways. It should be a fantastic day/evening. It's going to be so romantic! (Have I mentioned lately just how wonderful Bijan is, and how I love him so? I'm sure I have I just wanna make sure I announce it every now and then, because he is the sweetest thing, and he treats me like a Goddess, yes a Goddess, and he just makes me feel so humbled to know that I have been blessed with someone so wonderful. <3) I just hope it's not too cold that night or else I'll be freezing my butt off walking around downtown. I wanna show my cute dress off!! Not cover it up with some coat. Hehe. Plus I don't have anything good to wear over it. Hmm...I'll have to think about that...

Well anyways. I can't wait to see some of you on Friday! I am very greatful that people are coming out. I love my friends. Really. You guys make my world. You know, I was thinking about it the other day, and I realized that this is the first time in my life I've really been living my own life. Hmm...I'm not sure if that makes sense...it makes sense in my head! What I means is...I'm not living a life that someone else has established: someone else's friends, someone else's dreams, someone else's likes and dislikes, someone else's interest. For the first time, everything I have is my own. My friends. My dreams. My likes and dislikes. My interests. I finally know myself! I'm sure there's a lot more growing to do, but it's going to be more like a polishing of what's already there as opposed to actual molding. The story is written, what's left is the editing. That's me. I know who I am, and now I just need to work on bettering myself and growing and developing. Hmm...this is a really long tangent that might not make sense to anyone but me...but that's ok. :)

Have a wonderful day everyone. I've got school tonight, so wish me luck.

Love,

Lisa<3

stolen from tina. <3

2009-02-02T09:49:00.000-08:00

"Rules: Once you've read this, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you."

1. I drink coffee every morning, and I get a headache if I don't.

2. The only water I like to drink is Aquafina (with the exception of Smartwater, which is my second choice, but still not as good). I'll drink it all day. Any other water I can hardly choke down a tablespoon. It's all water, I know, but I swear, there's a difference.

3. I could write non-fiction all day (blogging, journaling, etc). Fiction scares the hell out of me, but it's what I most long to write, and also what I have the most trouble writing. Hm.

4. I refuse to dye my own hair. As a result, I end up going way tooooo long without a touch up.

5. Growing up, my favorite movies of all time were Anne of Green Gables and Anne of Avonlea. I watched them all the time.

6. As much as I enjoy unique, artistic movies, my guilty pleasure is girlie chick flicks. I know they may be cheesy and completely predictable, but that is part of their appeal. I love to just turn off my brain and watch a movie where the good guy always wins and the girl always gets the guy of her dreams and everyone lives happily ever after. Ahhh sigh I can be such a girl sometimes. :P

7. I like ketchup on my fries. But I hate the smell of it after I'm done.

8. I am the biggest wuss. I hate being alone in our apartment at night.

9. When laying down (reading, watching tv, whatever), I usually curl my toes together (as in, one foot to another foot.)

10. I don't like to wear clothes while getting ready after taking a shower.

11. I double dip chips into salsa all the time. Yeah yeah. Gross, I know.

12. I went to church pretty much every Sunday my whole life until I was about 17/18ish.

13. When I was a kid I thought it would be fun to mate my girl hampster with my boy hampster. Nothing ever came of that.

14. I was a total bookworm when I was a kid. The library was my haven. My absolute favorite book series were The Saddle Club, The Boxcar Children, and Nancy Drew. Haha.

15. I have a hard time limiting myself to a resonable amount when I have candy. I usually eat it till it's gone, and then notice how sick I feel.

16. I tried to get a book published when I was 12.

17. I graduated high school one year early.

18. Speaking of which, I was home schooled until 10th grade.

19. I used to be in a band with my best friend from high school's family. "The Tom Lepinski Band." Haha. We sang at different churches throughout El Paso and even went to Austin, TX to record a cd in a real recording studio. I still have a copy if you want to hear it sometime. Haha.

20. Once upon a time I went to a University. The University of Texas at El Paso, to be exact.

21. I shaved my head when I was 18.

22. I eat all candy in order of worst flavor to best flavor. I get bothered if I break the rotation. Haha.

23. I drink alcohol for the taste, not to get effed up (even though that's sometimes the end result). So if I don't like the way it tastes, I won't drink it.

24. I love bubble baths. I seriously go all out. I make a lot of bubbles, I line the bathroom with candles, and I just sink in and relax. A lot of times I have a glass of wine too, and I just soak and let all the stress just melt away.

25. And finally: I will never, ever learn to check for toilet paper in a public stall before beginning my business.

photos of the week: volume three.

2009-01-31T09:59:00.001-08:00

I've got a lot to do today, so I'm going to make it quick. :)

I've been doing my best to keep up with my photo-a-day commitment, in spite of my hectic schedule. I kinda feel like this week's photos suffered a bit due to my new work and school schedule. But...I dunno. What do you think? I'm in a "black & white" mood today, so that's how I edited a lot of my photos. They just wouldn't work any other way, in my opinion. But...whatever. :P

As a site note, I have to mention one of life's little pleasures that has been a little source of joy to me lately: coffee. But not just the act of drinking coffee. Nope. It's the whole process. Opening the canister of fresh coffee beans in the morning and being greeted with that distinct, wonderful aroma, looking at the rich colored, shiny-with-oil coffee beans, scooping them into the coffee grinder, grinding them, breathing in the scent of fresh ground beans, dumping them into the filter, turning on the coffee pot, listening to the brewing process, pouring a fresh, hot cup, sipping the steamy goodness. Hehe. Maybe I am a dork but I've developed a habit of savoring this simple morning activity, and it somehow just makes me feel happy in the morning. So anyway. I just wanted to share.

On to the photos. :)

25.January.2009. Magic in my backyard.

26.January.2009. Two hearts are required for love.

27.January.2009. The rebel in me is tempted.

28.January.2009. Glitter makes me happy.

29.January.2009. Driving home is fun now!

30.January.2009. White-washed fence.

31.January.2009. A little part of my obsession.

...That's all, folks. :)

Love,

Lisa<3

the procrastinator's procrastinator.

2009-01-30T20:02:00.000-08:00

I don't feel like doing homework. But I have a lot of it, so I have to. But here I am, procrastinating.

I already browsed Myspace and Facebook, Twitter won't work, I've checked my email like 3 times and soo...only thing left to do is write a blog. I guess after this, I'll have nothing else to do but my homework. Haha.

I'm sipping on a yummy Hefeweizen from Trader Joe's and it is seriously so good. I should probably do my homework before I drink too many of them. ;) My eyes burn. It's hard to read when your eyes burn, and you are soooo sleepy from your new schedule aaaand yeah.

Bijan and I are going to LA tomorrow, it's Camron's birthday. I think he's going to have some friends over and watch the fight. Or something. He's turning 19. Haha. I remember 19...barely.

Sara's back in town this weekend! Well, "LA" sort of in town. That is awesome. We're going to see them on Sunday sooo that will be great, especially since I thought it would be months till I saw her again, aaaaaaaaand she'll be here for my birthday.

Speaking of which...what should I do?? I've been craving a night out downtown with friends, so that is what I'm leaning towards. Tina sent me a link of hot spots which I need to check out, so I can decide. Yayyy I get to have all my favorite people at my birthday now! Sara and Steve, Dani, Sean and Tina, Angel and Rob (I hope?! Though I haven't had a chance to talk to Angel about it yet :P)...hopefully others will show up too like Kat and Keiffer and Ty-Ty, etc...ahhh I need to decide what I'm doing so I can let people know! Anyway I just can't believe I'll be 24, I don't feel old or anything, it's just like...wow, I'm at 24 already! Haha.

Ok. Well I guesss this is enough procrastination. Sorry to bore you with it. But it's just something I do. Have a great weekend! Though mine will be interesting trying to mix pleasure with...homework non-pleasure. Hehe.

Love,

Lisa<3

in an office, when you are ranking people, manager is higher than captain. on a boat, who knows? it's nebulose.

2009-01-26T14:13:00.000-08:00

So, I have a lot of thoughts bouncin' around in my head and, like Angel, I enjoy hearing the keys click as my fingers fly across them. It's soothing for some reason, I dunno know why, but I'm assuming it's just my writing nature that finds the action of typing therapeutic.

Tomorrow I start working at the "downtown location" (that sounds so cool! It's really not though. Haha.) I'm going to start working at the Travel Processing Center downtown which is responsible for processing all of the travel claims for the military in this area. So obviously they are busy, swamped with hundreds (maybe millions?) of travel claims and related work. It's going to be a more demanding job but also more up my alley, more the type of thing I enjoy compared to what I am doing now which is what I like to call "monkey work." Anyways. I'll have to kiss my 12-6 schedule good bye, but it's really going to be better for me, I believe. Even though I don't go in till 12 (which has been nice), it really stinks getting off at 6. Everything has already started at 6, and if we're going somewhere that night (like, ahem, Office nights), then it's like the mad rush to get ready. And then we still end up arriving later than planned. Plus everything has closed at 6 (banks, post offices, certain businesses) so if there's anything I need to get done it's like, I have to get up early and go, and that defeats the whole purpose of going to work at noon, cuz you've still got to be up and about before work. So anyway. I'm going to be working from 7 (7:30?) to 4 every day now. Which is fine, it's what I'm used to anyway. I enjoy being up and started with my day, and getting off at 4 is going to be such a relief. I am going to have a little time to relax after work instead of having to go home and immediately start getting ready. So that's nice.

School. That's the other thing. It starts again today. I'm kind of excited and kind of dreading it. Hmmm. (PS: that's the other good thing about getting off work at 4 from now on; I have school Mon, Tues, and Wed at 6:30 and my current schedule means rushing to school after work. Starting tomorrow, I'll have a couple hours between work and school.) So anyway. I'm taking three classes: English Lit I, American Lit I, and Fundamentals of Fiction Writing. Needless to say, the book wormy nerd in me is very excited about these classes. Yeah. I am a weirdo who is actually very excited to start school tonight. I can't wait to take these classes! Haha. Buuut...then there's the fact that it means I won't be home until 10 PM 3 days out of the week. :( Which is sad. And it's going to mean LOTS of reading and writing. Which means less free time which means less friend time and less FUN time. Hopefully I can find a good balance, and I'm sure that I can. But it doesn't mean there isn't a tiny bit of dread. Oh well. I'll have fun, anyway.

Sigh. I've been thinking a lot about this whole concept of "living in the moment." Hm. Enjoying what I have right now in spite of what I didn't have in the past and what I could have in the future. The truth is that...I've got it pretty good. And yeah, there are things I "can't wait" for. Like...getting out of the Navy. Or finishing school. Or getting my dream job. Or having a family. And then, there's the past: mistakes were made and time was "wasted" (or so I think sometimes.) Of course it's only natural to spend some time thinking about these things but I think it's really easy to go over board. I am totally guilty of this. I do it all the time...and sometimes when I look back I feel that I was spending so much time thinking of next week or next year or last month or the past 2 years or whatever, that I didn't notice how good things were in that exact moment. In this month's Cosmopolitan there was an article about this very thing, about how living in the moment can help a person to be happier. It was really cool to see all of my thoughts grouped together and coherently formed right there on the pages in front of me. It was very inspiring (yeah..I'm addicted to Cosmo! It's my silly guilty pleasure...) and it just reinforced all the things I've been thinking about lately. I want to make an effort to live for right now. Yeah so maybe I don't have the best job ever. So maybe I don't own a house. So maybe I'm not done with school. So maybe I have been divorced. So...what! My life is GOOD. It's beautiful. And I love where I am at, even if I haven't reached all of my goals yet. What's the point of even having a goal if you can't have fun on your way there?? Anyway. I think the underlying point in all of my goals for 2009 is...live life. Savor the moments. Appreciate all the little things. Things like...the way Bijan smells when I lay my head on his chest, or the way I feel in a new outfit, or pretty color of lipstick, or the sound of the birds in the morning. These are the things that ground me, that engage my senses and send me reeling into the present. Rooted to the spot, I am aware of where I am, and where I am is right now. And that feels good.

Well, I've got piles (literally, piles) of work to attend to and as of yet I have just been putting it off. It won't matter tomorrow anyways! (Yes, this makes me chuckle a little.) So. Off I go to pretend I give a hoot.

Love,

Lisa <3

photos of the week: volume two.

2009-01-24T13:28:00.000-08:00

This week, I wasn't feeling too great about my photos of the day. I kept thinking...they weren't turning out as good as last week's, and then on Tuesday I fell asleep early and forgot to take a photo so I felt a little down about that. Haha. It's silly, I know, and I'm bound to accidentally miss a day here and there. So this morning, I started going through all of the photos I had taken in the past week, and as I started editing them, it turned out I liked them just as much, if not more, than last week's! Hehe. Since I missed a day I even allowed myself to upload more than one photo for a couple days.

So anyway. This has been a fun little adventure to me, forcing me to find something to photograph every single day. This morning, I was like, "Hmmm I want to do my photos of the week blog, I need a photo for today, what should I photograph?" So I ran downstairs and snapped a photo at the base of the tree that's in front of our apartment building, and it turned out to be one of my favorites from the whole week. So anyway. This has been a wonderful exercise for me...it's making me see beautiful images in ordinary things. It's also making me hungry for more: more equipment, more tools, more technical knowledge so I can advance in my editing skills. So anyway. On to this week's photos.

18.January.2009. Carlsbad. The ocean always fills me with a sense of calm and peace.

19.January.2009. Downtown San Diego. Nothing in this world is...

21.January.2009. Too close for comfort.

22.January.2009. Sometimes I'm a bit of a girlie girl.

Elephants have a sense of style in India.

23.January.2009. Groovin' all week with you.

24.January.2009. Under foot.

I'm a dreamin' kinda girl.

Thanks for joining me in my little journey. I hope you've enjoyed this as much as I have. Here's to a happy weekend!

Love,

Lisa<3

photos of the week: volume one.

2009-01-17T12:17:00.000-08:00

So far, so good. On the 11th of January 2009 (last Sunday), I decided to start taking at least one photo a day...indefinitely. So, hopefully forever. :P

I've got several reasons for wanting to do this. For one, I think it will help me to learn more about photography and help me to develop my creative eye; to help me see beauty in ordinary, every day sorts of things. For another, I believe that photos like this will provide a special string of little memories for me to look back upon. This photo is from when we went there, when I took this photo I was thinking this, etc. I've always been the type to journal my life...I've got mountains of old journals which detail my life and help me to remember the things I may not have remembered otherwise. This "photo-a-day" thing is, in my opinion, just another form of journaling; it's a visual journal, a visible record of my day-to-day life.

My challenge: to take at least one photo a day of something non-human. I take lots of people pictures; I take plenty of photos of myself and Bijan and our friends. So, for my photo of the day, I want to take photos of anything but humans. It's been fun, because I've had to keep my eyes peeled for pretty shots, and in just one week I've gotten better at noticing the little details which ultimately make beautiful photos. Haha. I've still got a loooooooong way to go...but I'm not gonna lie, it has been fun. Anyway. Enough of my blabbering. Now it's time for you to get a little peek into the world as I see it.

11.January.2009. Downtown Los Angeles.

12.January.2009. Shop-a-holic.

13.January.2009. Dying flowers, but they're still beautiful to me.

14.January.2009. Girls coffee night.

15.January.2009. He loves me, he loves me, he loves me.

16.January.2009. Werewolf Art Show. (My favorite photo of the week.)

17.January.2009. Caffeine addict.

That's it for this week. I plan on making this section of my blog into a Saturday ritual for me sooo I hope you like it because there will be lots more! Haha. Anyway. I hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Love,

Lisa <3>

2009: new years resolutions and goals.

2009-01-15T13:50:00.000-08:00

So, I guess it's technically a little late for a "New Year's Resolutions" blog. But whatever. I'm posting it anyway. I've been working on this list for a while. It's kind of a combination of goals and resolutions, and it's just things that are important to me and that I'd like to keep in mind as I go through the year.

(Also, sidenote: since when is it ok to pull up a chair next to your co-worker's desk and eat your lunch there? No noise, no talking, no sound except the gross freaking sound of you eating your stupid sandwich. Since when is this acceptable? Especially when there is a freaking empty room right next to us with a big ass table which would be a perfectly ok spot for you to eat your lunch. It's where I eat my lunch, and don't make you listen to me chew and swallow. But you decide to eat your sandwich while I'm working and we're not even friends, and I have to listen to you eat?)

Sorry. Back to the point. Maybe I should add "be nicer" to my list? Hmmm... :P

My goals for 2009:

*show Bijan I love him every day, even if it’s just something small
*go on a hot date at least once a month, if not once a week
*make sure my friends know how much they mean to me
*dress up, and i mean really dress up, and go somewhere fancy at least once
*laugh often, stress less
*take a bubble bath once a week
*make Sunday nights cozy, stay-at-home, don’t-think-about-the-upcoming-week nights
*go to the beach once a week during summer
*continue to work on my writing
*take at least one photo per day
*post a weekly “photo of the day” blog chronicling my 7 favorite photos of the week
*learn more about photography
*learn how to properly and effectively use Photoshop
*get a new camera
*learn some new chords on the guitar
*have a few jam sessions with Bijan, and maybe even write a song together, to sing a duet
*save more money
*no smoking, period
*go horseback riding
*go visit my family at least three times
*bring my little brother to San Diego
*bring my little sister to San Diego
*go to Magic Mountain (maybe get a year pass :P)
*go to Knott’s Berry Farm
*broaden my movie and music horizons
*create a craft bin so I can do crafty things at home
*learn some crafting techniques
*dabble in scrapbooking
*explore my creative, decorative side
*read two books a month
*go the Barnes & Noble (or any bookstore) once a month
*find a church i enjoy, and go sometimes
*do something cultured, like going to the theater or opera
*make something with my hands
*send my friends birthday and Christmas cards
*go ice skating
*go hiking
*be more active
*go to at least one street fair
*find a new favorite store
*go thrift shopping once a month
*work out regularly...a combination of running and yoga
*learn some new recipes
*bake often (cookies, pies, whatever). eat some, give the others away to friends :)
*donate some of my time to a good cause
*decorate our apartment
*get furniture
*organize the spare bedroom and turn it into our “creative room”...aka “the studio”
*continue writing morning pages, and doing my artist date...get serious about “The Artist’s Way”
*have a coffee date with one or more friends once a week
*get a little black dress
*go on a romantic weekend getaway
*make eating at home the norm
*go see some shows
*go to at least one more Lakers game
*get prepared to transfer colleges
*enjoy myself. enjoy our life.

So...none of that is too hard. It should be fun, really. Well, most of it anyway. Enjoy. Oh yes, and I do plan on doing a weekly "Photos of the Week" blog, as I mentioned above, which displays my favorite photo from each day of the week. This will help me to remember what was taken when, and why it was important, and plus it will be fun for me. So anyway.

I'm really looking forward to this year. :)

Love,

Lisa <3

midnight is a magical hour, don't you think?

2009-01-04T20:20:00.000-08:00

It's been a busy past couple of weeks!! I can't remember having this much to do in a really long time. Today we have taken the opportunity to just...breathe. Bijan's brother, Camron, came back with us last Sunday and just left last night. It was really cool having him here! This past week with Sara in town has been awesome, and I'm really sad that she's leaving again next week. :( Booooo. Hehe. But she'll have lots of fun in Mexico and she'll be back before we know it.

Let's see. New Year's Eve was awesome. The party at Keith and Ty's was bumpin, and I had soo much fun (maybe a little too much fun...mmmkay). :P But the kiss at Midnight was amazing, it was such a beautiful, incredible, special moment...and I think I even teared up a little because well...New Year's is a special holiday for us. Hehe. Awww.

Of course I can't go any further without congratulating the man and woman of 2009: Steve and Sara. Awwww. They are engaged!! They got engaged JUST after midnight, so I guess you could say that's the first thing that happened in 2009 (besides our awesome kiss :P)!! Well it was awesome, and I am sooooooooooo happy for her!! Uuhhh so yeah, when's the wedding??? :P

So anyway. Like I said, there has been a lot to do. Friday night a big group of us (me, Bijan, Sara, Steve, Dani, Dave, Kat, etc) went to Club Spin to see DJ Z-Trip. That was lots of fun! I haven't been to a club in forever so I had a really great time. We took a cab there and back too which was kinda fun, cuz I haven't taken a cab before (well except for in Meridian, Mississippi...which was totally lame and didn't count.) It was a great night, and it felt awesome to just let go and dance. :P

Me and my Love:

Sara and Steve:

I love these girls!

Dani and Dave:

Well. That is that. :) I hate to cut it so short, but I just wanted to share a few photos and then call it a night. Let the world know that I'm still alive...you know...that sort of thing. :) Also, I want to add that it's been awesome to finally be able to see Sean and Tina again after going 2 1/2 weeks without seeing them!! We were starting to go through withdrawls. Hehe.

So, now, I think that I will make some hot chocolate with marshmellows (mmmmm!!) and curl up with my babe on the couch while watching Weeds. Oh yes. Also, I am going to *pretend* I don't have to work tomorrow. :) Haha. (Is it working? Hmm...we'll see.) I hope everyone has had a wonderful holidays season!!

And now...the holidays are officially over. Ah well. Such is life. Good night. :)

Love,

Lisa <3

have yourself a merry little christmas.

2008-12-25T12:22:00.000-08:00

My, my, has it been a wonderful holiday season. It's been filled with family, lots of relaxing or...more like laaaazing...and lotssssssss and lots of love! I am happy girl this week, and today...and...every day.

I am so thankful to be so blessed.

That's what I am. I'm blessed. And not even because of the gifts (though they are wonderful!), but because of the people who are in my life, the people whom God has blessed me with. I am soo so very fortunate, and richer than any amount of money or goods could ever make me.

Really. How is it that He has seen fit to bestow upon me such a bountiful life?

My family. I got to see them this week, and it felt like little or no time had passed since our last visit. I really hope that my family knows how much I love and care about them, despite my absence in the past, despite all the drama. I love them with all of my heart, and it was wonderful to spend so much quality time with them last week. I got to watch one of Andrew's roller hockey games and hear him play drums (he's getting really good, and he's taught himself!) I got to hang out with Leah and talk to her about life and things...it's so wonderful to be at this age where the age difference between us is hardly even noticeable. I can't believe she's in college and doing so well and just growing in beauty and strength and brains. Haha. I'm so proud of her. And my other bros, Josh and Zach, in their apartment, hanging with them on the other side of adulthood was awesome, and seeing Zach happy with his beautiful girlfriend Jazmine made me feel good inside. Then of course there's Mom and Dad, Mom with her little quirks and Dad with his quiet sense of humor. How I love them.

My Bijan. My love. My best friend. My very own dream come true. How I can't even describe how incredibly grateful I am for him. How wonderful he makes me feel. How insanely in love with him I am. I just...I look at him, and I just know that he is the man I always dream about. He looks like the man in my dreams, he treats me like gold, he makes me feel like a princess, like the luckiest, happiest woman alive. I can't believe that I am with him this Christmas. I can't believe that I have got him forever. It means so much, especially looking back to last year, and remembering the anguish and all the uncertainty, remembering how I longed to tell him that he was my only Christmas wish last year but couldn't. And now here we are. What a road it's been, what a wonderful journey. And...here we are. <3

Bijan's family. They have accepted me as one of their own. Loved me like another child and sister. With them I can laugh and talk and be myself. My second family. With Melissa, I share my love of the written word, my zest for life, my dreamy view of the world. She has been wonderful to me and made me feel special and loved. Not only the mother who raised such a wonderful son to love me as he does, but also a friend and confidant. Then there is Amir, who makes me laugh with his crazy antics, and shows me where Bijan gets it. Quirky and good hearted, he is. And Camron, the younger brother whose admiration for Bijan is undeniable. What a good and good-hearted guy he is, and those two, their love for each other, despite the brotherly banter, is touching and comforting and real, like a light in the darkness. They are a wonderful family, and I am so fortunate to have two such wonderful families now.

My friends. You all know who you are. I love you all and am so blessed by all of you. Sara Lee, you are my kindred spirit and dear friend, who after all that time finally broke through each others walls and discovered that there was a wonderful friendship to be found on the other side. Dani, my other bestie, with all of your wisdom and spunk and wit, you always help me to understand life better and I love you lots. My Sarah B in Michigan, my long-time-far-away-friend, you are dear to me. Tina, Sean, you've both meant a lot to Bijan and I...and despite what you are both dealing with...we love you both equally and are thankful for all the fun times we've shared. Yay for Office nights! Angel and Rob, lots of laughs have been shared between us, and what great friends you are. Keith and Ty, you've opened your home to us and made us feel welcome and loved. A-na-na-Ty-Ty! :P Kat, Lora, Misty in Texas, Misty B., Karen, Steve (you've made my Sara happy!), Matty B. and Lisa, Emily and Greg, Rachel, Megan and Lisa (Dani's other three :P), Carla, Yoshi, Arriel...and anyone else I've missed...you have all touched my life in one way or another, no matter how small, and I thank you for your friendship.

Yeah. My life is pretty full.

I wasn't expecting all of that to come out when I sat down to write. Buuut...there you have it. :)

Aaand now before I go, because I can't help it...I'll share with you a few of my Christmas goodies.

Some from Mom:

From Bros:

From Hatef's:

From Camron:

And from Bijan, my love:

...a gift card for:

Anyway. There's a little more, but I'm tired of looking up pictures. My mom also got Bijan and I a couple bottles of wine, some Starbucks mocha syrup mix, and a special New Mexico blend of coffee. Plus Bijan's mom got us a DeLonghi coffee/espresso machine, and some decorations for our apartment.

Haha. At any rate, I'm sorry that I went from super emotional to super...superficial. Haha. I guess I had to include a little of both.

The gifts are great, but it's not like they really matter. I am most thankful for the people behind the gifts. They are what make everything truly special.

Wishing everyone a wonderful and truly love and joy filled holiday,

With love,

Lisa Ann <3

is something wrong with the doll, toby?

2008-12-12T15:32:00.000-08:00

Here I sit. Alone in this little dump of an office, the musty smell of stale service records threatening to cause me to sneeze. I'm fighting it off though, and instead only sniffle a bit.

16 days. Once I walk through that door at 6pm...I won't walk back through it for 16 days. That's a beautiful thought.

I know it's probably a waste of leave...but I don't really care. I usually only use a little here, a little there throughout the year anyway. I just really need this break. I need this time to refresh myself, spend time with family and friends, get that feeling that life is good again. I need it. I'll hate coming back...but sometimes the coming back is good, cuz that's just an opportunity to chip away at the remaining time here.

At any rate. 16 days. I'll take it.

Soo..I am just sitting here at work, being lazy. It seems as though most of my blogging is done at work, though I'd really prefer to do it at home. For some reason I enjoy blogging most when I'm not supposed to be doing it. Go figure.

Our Holiday Itinerary:

We're heading to LA on Tuesday evening, so we'll be around until then. Then Wednesday the 17th we're flying to Albuquerque to spend some time with my family. We're heading back to Los Angeles on Tuesday the 23rd where we will spend the rest of the vacation. Then...it's back to work. For 3 days. Then I'll have 4 more off, which will be spent in town. Haha. I am so excited for Sara to come back!! Ahh good times.

What else? Oh. Would someone please tell me, why must there be so many cute clothes?? I'm not saying I can't get an outfit here and there but, is it so bad that I want so much more? Haha. I'm not some greedy, materialistic little bi-otch but...my, oh my, I just love some of the clothes I see and my "pocketbook" is not nearly thick enough for all of the lovely items on my wishlist. Ahh but that's life, I suppose. Still...I think that Urban Outfitters should just...you know, give me a hefty selection of dresses and tops and pants, as a Christmas gift, you know. This is why...when I get out of the Navy and have to work a part time job, I want to work at Urban. Sigh.

Well...that is all for now. I've got some work to do, and it juuuust might be enough to pass the next two hours. We'll see. If not, I'll just do some more Gilmore Girls trivia on Facebook...ok ok, maybe Facebook doesn't suck that bad. It does have some fun little time-passing activities, I must say. And I want some more beer from Trader Joes when I get off work. That...Hefferweisen or whatever the eff it's called is really yummy...it's a Belgian beer that's kinda like Blue Moon but a little different and yeah. I want some. :P

Have a fun weekend, everybody. Ta-ta.

Love,
Lisa

<3

feeling good.

2008-12-09T10:15:00.000-08:00

So, this is just a quick update from the previous blog. I feel ok about my plans for the future again. In fact, I feel great. I've decided the my two dreams are to to be a writer and to be a college professor. Aand...though it's not the easiest thing in the world to become either of those two things, I think both just require a little extra hard work and dedication. Which, I can put forth both of those things. I just...need a game plan. The next few years (and especially when I get out of the Navy!) are going to have to be filled with hard work that is worthy of getting to where I want to go. First I have to actually get in to SDSU...figure out exactly what I am going to major in, whether it be creative writing or English/literature...I think that I am going to get my bachelor's in English/literature, my Master's in creative writing...and probably the same for my doctorate? I believe. Plus I am going to have to get on the school paper and become involved in some school activities and eventually try to get on the writing team for the university's literary journal. I also want to be a teacher's assistant if possible and do some volunteer work for elementary schools in the community. Basically I want to become so involved in SDSU that lots of people (mostly faculty) will remember my name and know who I am, and therefore lotssss of recommendation letters will follow, not to mention the hook ups that come with a good alumni.

Wow. I think I just told you a lotttttt of crap that is probably worthless to you, hahaha. :P But whatever. It makes me feel better to write it all out. Ugh. See, this whole Navy thing is just in my way. It's so freakin irritating, cuz what I'd really like to be doing right now is throwing myself into school and just having that be my life. I guess it's ok though, cuz school is going to be my life for a few years yet...not to mention the fact that because of the Navy I am going to recognize my dream of going to school and not working at all for at least a year...and then working only very minimally after that for a couple years.

Well. I have got a paper due next week that I haven't even started on yet. Ugh. All this whining about wanting to be dedicated to school and then there's that. It's just...this class has required soooooooo little participation that it has made me lazy. Ah well. I always manage to produce...something. So, I'm pretty sure I'll be ok. But...anyways. I really need to pack my lunch for work. Oh yeah: after today, only three more days of work left before vacation!! I will be off for 15 days...then I'll be back at work for 3 days, then off 4 more days for New Year's! Ahhh I am soo excited. Makes this week...a lot easier to deal with. :)

Anyway...gotta go!

Love,

Lisa

PS: I got to watch some Gilmore Girls this weekend! That always makes me happy. I love that show so much...it's more than a show, it's a freaking way of life. But anyways. I think that contributed to my having good feelings about my goals again. :)

a cup of morning doubt.

2008-12-05T15:32:00.000-08:00

I think I have suffered from a severe existential crisis throughout the past week.

Ok. Well I guess it's not that bad. But...I woke up a few days ago in a panic. Really. I woke up, and all I could think about was how horribly wrong everything is. What am I thinking, going to school for English and creative writing? Am I freaking crazy? Am I a psychotic person? I don't know where these thoughts came from but I woke up Wednesday morning and within about 15 minutes of waking up decided that I would instantly change my major to nursing again so I can have a good, guaranteed job and be financially secure for the rest of my life.

I have since recovered, for the most part.

But seriously, I don't know where this doubt came from. I was so certain, so sure of myself all this time and then suddenly was flooded with thoughts of...who am I kidding? I can't be a writer!! I don't even write!

I just have to remind myself: I am a writer. I pretty much came out of the womb writing. I've been writing since I knew how to write. I started my first journal when I was 6 or 7. I kept a journal when I was 10. Then again when I was 13/14. Then 17/18. And so on...I still keep a journal. Haha. But not only that. I have endless notebooks in my spare bedroom filled with stories I wrote, stories I started, little bits and pieces of creativity everywhere. At least one full box of all this stuff--some of it I wrote as early as 11 or 12. At my parents house, there's a box of even more stuff. This isn't a joke or something I made up one day, somethind I just decided to do. Writing is who I am. I couldn't stop writing if I wanted to. Hell, I'm writing right now. Lol. Sometimes reading through all of that stuff helps, because it's hard to ignore the obvious: this is what I'm meant to do.

I just...I don't want to let myself give up before I've even gotten anywhere. I feel like I am about to...like the future is too uncertain to pursue something I really want to do. But that is just my doubt. I have these thoughts that I'm not good enough...who am I kidding? How am I ever going to make money? I don't want to struggle my whole life, I don't want money to ever be a problem for me and Bijan! It won't. We're both too determined, and we're both pretty smart with money. We balance each other out. I think...I think I am ok about the whole school thing. At least, there aren't any plans to drop everything and enroll in nursing school. Haha. Bijan won't let me do that, anyway. He won't let me give up on my dream. And I don't want to! I just...I dunno. I just got really scared all of a sudden.

Anyway. I've been struggling with a lot of anxious feelings this week. I've got a final paper due in a couple weeks at school which I am stressing about. I've got some more Christmas shopping to do. I've got to go to the courthouse sometime next week to take care of...er...a few things. I've got to make a dish for the Christmas party tomorrow. On top of it all I quit writing my morning pages (don't ask!) And so my chest just feels tight. Yesterday I felt panicky all day. I've never had a panic attack before, and I wouldn't say that's what was going on yesterday, but I didn't feel very good none the less. I just kept feeling like I was on the verge of freaking out, of loosing it, and I didn't even know why. It carried on into the evening...I just felt really edgy and panicky. It was weird.

But yeah. I dunno what the point of this is. Haha. On a happy note, I ordered some pretty pj's from Victoria's Secret (they were on sale!)...I just hope they get here before the December girl's night, or at least before I go out of town! I didn't think to do expedited shipping which was probably not a smart move on my part. But..I think they'll get here on time.

And some slippers were included for free:

So, these things make me a little happy. Haha. Something so simple, I know, but I just can't help it.

I hope everyone had a great week, and yayyyy for the Christmas party at Keith and Ty's new house tomorrow! I am excited about that. Plus Sean's birthday dinner is tonight and I must say I am really looking forward to some jacuzzi and drinks time afterward. Of course, I love my life. I am so incredibly madly in love with my very own soul mate, and I've got amazing friends, and everyone in my life supports and encourages me. I've really got...nothing...to complain about. Each and every one of you makes my life just that much better, and I thank you all, for everything you do. Even though I get "down" sometimes, after a few hours of sulking I realize...I've got everything I could ever want. So...yeah.

Love,
Lisa

too hot for winter.

2008-11-25T16:39:00.000-08:00

Now that I have internet at home, I'd rather save the blogging for times when I am cozy at home and have something really interesting to say. Buuut...right now I am bored at work and feel like talking.

Bijan and I have been talking about taking a romantic getaway kind of trip. We've thrown around the idea of going to San Francisco or New York...but I think...we've finally decided on going somewhere tropical. Somewhere like...the Bahamas...or Aruba...or...somewhere in the Caribbean. Somewhere exotic, with white beaches and clear water. And a luxurious hotel and a gorgeous pool and lotssss of pina coladas! Hehe. We want to go sometime this summer and just go all out...which means planning and saving now. Anyway. Just thinking about this makes me excited sooo...I have already done a little eShopping around for some cute items.

I know it's winter and this is so not the season for this right now but...I am so getting this bikini...it's on sale (less than 30 for the whole thing!) and it is freaking cute. So this one is my must have.

I like these, too. :P

And this is a smooth cover up. I like it in cream, though.

Anyway. I am really excited for winter and Christmas and all that so I don't really know why I'm thinking about summer already. I am just really excited about the idea of a romantic trip with my Bij. :) Plus...I can't believe what good deals there are on bikinis right now!! I guess cuz it's the off season soooo the prices are much better. I think it's my best bet to get stocked up now! Hehehe. Or maybe that's just an excuse for me to shop. Mayyyyybe.

Well allright. I promise to blog about more substantial stuff later on. This weekend I'll have lots of free time sooooo I hope to do some blogging, maybe even some photo blogging? We'll see. :)

Take care!

Love,
Lisa

under construction.

2008-11-22T00:17:00.000-08:00

There are a lot of things I need to work on.

Being nicer for one. And being an overall better person for another.

As I get older...I am realizing how far away I've come from the person I once was. Which...is good in a lot of ways...but, in others...not so good.

I used to care a lot more about other people. I didn't used to talk so much trash. I've never been so quick to anger as I am now. I don't know...when this change occurred?? But I don't understand it and no matter how hard I try to fix it, I just keep stumbling.

I need to do better. I love with my whole heart...but my body, my actions, my words...don't always show it. And if I can't show it with those things, how will anyone ever know it's really there??

I've been through a lot in the past months, past year...and yesssssssss some of it has taken it's toll. But...that's no excuse for the way I've been acting, for the selfishness and childishness I've been displaying. I need to grow up, I need to really work on myself, inside and out, but mostly

inside.

1 Corinthians 14:4-8

"Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails..."

a delicate rant.

2008-11-17T12:46:00.001-08:00

Something I saw today just got me...really down. Not really "down" exactly just...I don't even know what I am. It's like a smack in the face, that realization that you're...the "boy who cried wolf"? Maybe. That sickening feeling that everyone is just going to always see you the same way, because of how you were when you were young.

When I was a teenager...when I was 16-17 or so, I was a complete monster with my parents. I was a rebellious hell child who was determined to do whatever I wanted in spite of their expectations. Granted...they were a bit stricter than most parents so I felt I was being jipped as I grew up...but I still could have handled myself better. I was a bit too independent for my own good. If I would have just settled down, calmed down, relaxed, I might have been a much happier teenager. But I wanted to taste freedom, and my parents didn't want me to just yet, soo...I tasted it without their permission.

I love my parents. We get along great now...now that I am out of their control and we can just be adults.

But my 17th year. Sheesh. We did not like each other much. Not one bit. See, I wanted to date, and they didn't want me to date, and this was the source of most of the problems. I was a boy crazy little monster. Any time I disobeyed, any time I wasn't doing what they said, it was usually because of a boy. I would risk my happiness at home for a boy almost every time. I pushed their limits by saying "yes" to any boy who asked me "out" (well, only if I "liked" him). Considering I wasn't even allowed to have a boyfriend, I was already going beyond what my parents wished for me whenever I did this. Then I would get angry if I wasn't allowed to go on dates or "be alone" with whatever dude I was interested in...my mom would make my brothers tag along or require that we sit at the kitchen table and have our time together be spent there.

It was really annoying, and I still think it was a bit over the top. But...I could have reacted a lot better. Eventually I started sneaking out at night so I could get a few hours spent alone with whatever dude. Me, the girl who'd never sneaked out her entire life, who tried sneaking out for a treat from 7-11 once and came back cuz I was scared I'd get caught. It's not like I was a "bad kid" by normal standards...I didn't do drugs, I didn't smoke (yet), I didn't get wasted. I just...didn't listen to my parents. At all.

The worst part of it was that they shared everything with my Pastor and his wife. Any time there was a problem, my mom made him come over and talked about every thing with him and with me sitting right there. He was an awesome dude, really understanding, but I hated that my parents always had to bring a third party into everything. I got this horrible reputation when I wasn't even doing anything..really..that wrong. My pastor was usually pretty neutral, telling me that I had to give a little if I wanted to get a little...telling my parents (mom) they needed to loosen up a bit if they expected me to comply with their wishes. But towards the end...right about when I moved out, right about when I hit 18...my siblings overheard him tell my parents, "Well, I guess all Lisa really cares about is sex and drugs." Ouch.

It wasn't even true. I mean...I had tried drugs at this point and I wasn't blameless with the "sex thing"...but...I was just a kid trying to find my way. And with everything I'd been through with religion, I just feel that people should have...understood.

So I just had this reputation with my family and church for being a "loose, worldly" girl and..while parts of it were true, most of it wasn't.

As fate would have it...my old pastor and his wife live in Escondido now. I've seen them a couple times...though not a lot, not as much as I've wanted to or feel I should. The truth is they really are sweethearts, and he's not even a pastor anymore...just a regular guy who cares about people. They've always cared about me and my well being..and some of the stuff said was just a result of misunderstandings and miscommunication. I would go visit them more, but sometimes I just feel like...I dunno. I feel like they've always had this opinion of me, like they know too much of my history, they were involved in my life in a way my mom never should have involved them. I feel like they won't understand who I am now, and they'll just project their old perceptions of me...back onto me again.

Soo...the last time I saw them...I was married.

My sister put up pictures on her Facebook from when I went to visit last summer...which included pictures of Bijan. Which is absolutely fine!!! I want pictures of us everywhere lol!!! But my old pastors wife is on Facebook (which I didn't know) and I just saw a comment she left on Leah's page (hence this blog today! Oh, and Leah, if you're reading, don't feel bad...this isn't about you and I am really happy you have the pictures up! Haha...this is about me and just a culmination of how I feel in general). So, here's the comment:

"Hey Leah! It was fun looking at your latest photos. Where were they taken? And, I'm confused (as usual!)....'your sister's boyfriend'!!?? I must have missed something!"

Of course, I know she didn't mean anything by the question. And...I know she won't judge when she hears the story. But my mind is instantly flooded with...fuck! She's going to think.."There goes Lisa, back at her old tricks again!" I just feel like I've said, "No, really, this time," too many times for anyone to believe me.

I hate that I am 23 and I already have a divorce in my history. I hate that when I tell people Bijan is the one, I feel like they are looking at me and laughing inside. I hate feeling like I have to explain myself and how everything happened..like I have to justify everything about my life to other people because of what they are thinking.

So I'm not going to do...any...of that. People will think what they want. But I don't care. Because I know how the story goes. I know what happened, really. I know what I did right, and where I messed up. I'm accountable for everything, but ultimately, I did the right thing. I did what was best for me. It's shitty that choices I made when I was 19 have affected me now...it sucks that I said "Till death do us part" and didn't really mean it or even know what I was promising. It sucks that I couldn't have just moved on as most people do with their "first love"...that I didn't wait until I knew a little something about myself before I made choices that would affect me later. It sucked that I couldn't just happily tell people, "I've met the one!" when I started dating Bijan and not have them respond with cautionary advice about not moving on too fast and the raising of an eyebrow. It sucks that people want to act like they think they know everything, like they know better than me what I could have or should have done. All of that sucks, but it doesn't matter, because I'm on the right path. No one else is responsible for me. No one else is responsible for my life but me...and it really doesn't matter what they think.

I'm not that little girl any more. I am not that rebellious teenager anymore. I did not just do my "thing" and just set out to get what I wanted. I did not make even one decision lightly.

I just wish people would understand that. I just wish people would leave it the hell alone, and stop asking really uncomfortable questions.

yummy in leather.

2008-11-13T16:43:00.000-08:00

Steve Madden is having a boot sale! Should I splurge?

These are my favorite boots that they have, especially if you go to the website and look at all the different views. I really like! Hmmm...

Haha.

Soooo greedy.

bloggage blabber.

2008-11-12T13:07:00.001-08:00

As I sit here in my musty "office" at this boring computer desk without much to do and without any urge to do the things I do need to do, my mind is, strangely, very silent. Well, it's not silent...exactly...but the thoughts I do have are rather private and I'm finding it's difficult to formulate my thoughts into words and to locate any words in this whirlwind mind of mine which I don't mind sharing.

So let's so what I can find in here. Haha. Last night we drove down (or up?) to see Keith and Ty. Ty made us manicotti for dinner and Keith was stressing over who was going to have who for Secret Santa at the yearly Firetribe Christmas party, as he does every year in a little labor of love for all of us. It's a tricky job, making sure everyone has someone they are at least aquainted with for Secret Santa, to make it that much easier for everyone. Oh how I love the yearly Christmas party. Sigh. Haha. It's a great tradition and there is always yummy food and presents and lots of laughter and drunken ridiculousness. And I am excited for Bijan to go too...it's very special to me that he'll get to be a part of it. Last year...well let's just say I didn't enjoy the Christmas party as much as I wanted to considering my mind was in turmoil. Haha. It's awesome to see how much things have turned around for me in just one year and I'm especially excited for the holidays.

So anyway. It was nice seeing Keith and Ty, and Lora, cuz I've missed all of them and I've been lazy to come and see them. Not to say it doesn't go both ways haha. ;) But it was lots of fun and we had some yummy wine and good food and we contemplated going in the hot tub..but I was so cold I didn't even want to imagine how freezing I would feel if I went in the hot tub and had to face the cold after such warmth. So...I said napes. Not that it didn't sound fabulous. I think on New Years...I'm gonna have to hit that up with some champagne in hand. Oh yeah. Cuz I just found out that Sara and Steve will be in San Diego for New Year's Eve, at Keith and Ty's which means...yes, this is where Bijan and I will be spending our New Year's. Oh I am so excited for New Year's this year! It was a very special day to Bijan and I last year...(um, it's hard to explain, but I will someday!)...so it's exciting that we get to spend it with each other this year. Plus I will have my best drinkin' buddy and friend by my side, haha. (Best friends for liiiiife, best friends for liiiiiiiife, best friends for liiiiiife...*dances around*...hahaha)

Let's see. Oh yeah. So last night when we got home, Bijan and I got cozy in pj's and I made him watch a movie that is dreaded by most guys: The Notebook. Awww. Ok so he fought it at first, but I told him...Come onnn, it's not as bad as you think! And he finally gave in to my begging, a bit grudgingly at first. But as the movie progressed...he got more and more sucked in. (I am probably dead for telling about this!) Anyway at the end...he had to confess, that it's actually a good movie and not as "terrible" as most chick flicks...which, it's really not. It's actually really good, though really sad, and it doesn't have the traditional ending you might expect for a normal girlie movie. So anyway. Needless to say, I balled my eyes out like a little baby cuz I'm a sappy wuss. After the movie, we went Jack in the Box (at like 1:30 in the morning!) to get oreo cookie shakes cuz we were craving them. Bad, I know, to eat sugar like that so late at night. Oh well.

It was a nice little day off during the week. :)

Tonight is coffee with Tina, which I am very much looking forward to. I firmly believe that the time spent with girlfriends is very important, and it's especially important now. I'm not a person who has the answers to everything or who always knows the right words to say, but I am a friend who will listen and be there for you when you need me to. And right now...I've got a friend who I think just needs me to listen, and I want to do all I can to make the "burden of thought" just a little bit lighter. So...that's what I hope to do tonight. With maybe a little laughter in between, just to make things interesting. ;)

Oohh how I feel like I am just babbling. And I am. Like I said, I've got no motivation today. Plus I'm hungry. And tired. So I think I'll just babble until I feel like I've gotten it all out, however random I may be. Soo...yeah.

Have I said I'm really excited about the holidays? Well I am. It's finally starting to get a little chilly, especially at night, which means Bijan and I will be able to start using the fireplace. Aaand I just remembered that Victoria's Secret does special flannel pj sets starting sometime around December soo...that should be soon! I can't wait cuz last year I wanted some sooo bad and this year I am going to get some damn it! I can't find any photos though because they aren't out yet. But I will be keeping my eyes open and I'll share the wonderfulness with you when I find out.

But yes. I am very excited about the whole thing...time off from work, time spent with my family and Bijan's family and Bijan. I can't wait for Christmas parties and pumpkin pie and turkey and all the wonderful holiday dishes and treats. I am going to start baking very soon, and I promised Tina we'd have a nice little baking day (or dayS)...and I need to do my Christmas shopping and oh how I just love the hustle and bustle and smells and activities and the good times with loved ones. I am excited for my first Christmas with Bijan, and cuddling in jammies in front of a fire with good coffee and muffins.

Anyway. Blah blah blah, and I just go on and on and on. I found some cute little things online which I would like to share. See, I wish I had a real reason to buy a little black dress for the holiday season buuuut...I don't really. Someday I hope to have the need for such a thing...but for now I just look at the pretty dresses and sigh.

Here's one I found from Frederick's:

Plus a couple of cute dresses from Victoria's Secret:

I have a serious obsession with sweater dresses at the moment, haha. I want a sweater dress. And boots. NOW. *stomps feet* Haha ok ok ok. Tantrum over.

Well allright. I'm sure I have bored you long enough. I don't even know what the point of this blog is...I just felt like talking and work is lame and there is no one to talk to. So...I'm talking to the dark emptiness of cyber space, hoping that maybe someone will take a few minutes to peak into my weird head and say hi. Ahhhhh...sigh.

Have a Happy Wednesday...I have nothing but hope and good wishes for all of you darling friends of mine. Take care.

Love,
Lisa

tearin' up the streets. no, not really.

2008-11-06T12:42:00.000-08:00

Last night...can I get an "mmmmm" for yummy chai lattes?? (mmmmm)...was a lot of fun. Haha. For just one night it felt like we were a bunch of carefree kiddos again. Ah well. And then the clock struck midnight, and our carriages turned back into pumpkins and our gowns turned back to rags and our energy turned into sleepyness. More like...the clock struck...10:30 or 11...and we remembered we are grown-ups now and we have to wake up in the morning.

Haha.

So anyway. Tina and I had a nice little coffee night, and the boys went and got a drink at this bar down the street while we got our coffee or rather...mmm chai lattes. Soo...we had our girl talk (lots of babble about love and relationships and...crazy bitches at work who try to hit on your man and who's eyeballs you want to rip out hahaha)...and then some dude got on a microphone and started reading..."poetry" (which included the phrase: "restroom for my pets")...and we noticed that the coffee house was rapidly filling up with a bunch of pissed off homosexuals talking about Prop 8. Lol. And we were like...uuhh yeah...let's go...it's loud.

We were gonna go back to the apartment, but then I remembered that the boys were at a bar on the same street we were on...and we decided to sneak over there and surprise them (or rather, check up on them hahahaha...j/k wink wink). So we got a drink, and as Tina said...the "Long Island Iced Tea's" were more like "Tall Glasses of Tequila" and Tina drank hers and I was a wimp who leaked some of mine onto the floor and STILL couldn't stomache that shit enough to drain my cup even a quarter of the way down. Yick. Ah well.

Anyway. If you read Tina's blog you already know we got Carl's Jr and went back to the apartment to watch a movie and stuff our faces. It was nice having them over for the first time...we've been shy to have anyone over cuz we hardly have anything so we kinda feel like we'll be boring hosts. But...that was silly cuz we had just as much fun. :) Yay!

Soo...I'm about to get off work...which means I need to say laters. Horray for Office Night tonight! Yeah Office Night is lots of fun and we always eat good food and for some reason no one else wants to ever come. Haha. It's all good. More food for ussssss. ;)

Ok. Ta-Ta.

Love,
Lisa

part of history.

2008-11-05T12:29:00.000-08:00

Well, I guess today is a pretty big day in history. Although, it would have been a day in history no matter which way you look at it...either we got a black president or a woman vice-president. So either way, history would have been made. Anyway, yesterday I did something I've never done before (tisk, tisk)...I marched my butt (alongside Bijan) to the voting center in our neighborhood (we walked) and cast my voting ballot. At first I thought that I was going to have to go to Oceanside to vote since I was still registered there. But after a lot of research online yesterday, I found out that I could cast a provisional ballot which would be counted as soon as they determined that I was indeed registered somewhere and that I hadn't voted anywhere else. So I didn't have to drive all that long way, after all.

But it felt good. I felt like I did something important, like I was part of something important. And yes, I voted for Barack Obama. I wasn't really that good at doing my research this election, like I should have been, but I felt the importance of having a say. I also know that I am tired of having a Republican in office, and I'd really like to see what a Democrat will do for this country. Though I have Christian beliefs, my views sit more on the Democrat side of the fence. I've never considered myself to be any party, mostly because I haven't given it a lot of thought, but if I had to pick, that's where I'd place myself. Anyway. I think there will be change in this country, and I think it will be for the better. That's...my humble opinion, anyway. Here's to ending this stupid war! Haha. We'll see what happens.

There were only really two other things I cared about...Proposition 8 and Proposition 4. Prop 8...yeah, I voted NO. The way I see it...whether I agree with homosexuality or not...the thing is, is has nothing to do with me. I wouldn't like it if they tried to pass a bill saying I couldn't get married. In fact, I'd be downright pissed off. Who am I, as a straight woman, to say that a gay couple can't get married? So what if I'm a Christian. As a Christian, I won't marry a woman. Simple as that. But not everyone is a Christian and I won't force them to be, just as I won't force them to adhere to Christian beliefs. So...it's not my place to take away their right to get married just as it's not their place to take away my right to get married. Aaand Prop 4...I voted YES. Yeah yeah yeah, black market this and that. Lol. Ok...so I'm not against abortion, like at all. I mean, for myself personally, yes, I do not believe abortion is right. So, I myself will never get an abortion...I just couldn't live with myself. But...I also don't believe that it's right to make abortion illegal, cuz not everyone feels the way I do about it. But with Prop 4...I just...I think a girl who's a minor should have to tell their parents that they're getting an abortion. Maybe that's incredibly conservative of me....I dunno. But...I just think parents should know that their kid is going through something like that. Hm. I have mixed feelings but I lean more strongly on the yes side. :)

Ok enough politics. I voted. I have a voice, and I used it. Obama for Change. So that's that.

After voting Bijan and I walked around North Park to find a restaurant to eat. We found this cute little Italian place that was cheap and yummy. It was nice. We sat outside and watched everyone walking around the streets being ridiculous. Then we walked to this awesome thrift store by our house. It's this HUGE place, and they have a little of everything...and everything in the store (clothes, cd's, dvd's, shoes, records) is 4 for $20 (except for really big items like record players and guitars and stuff). PLUS they are one of those places who seems to be picky about the types of clothing and things it receives...anyway it's called Thrift Trader. And in the past couple of days I have found some really awesome stuff there. I can't give up my brand names altogether, but it's fun going and finding really awesome pieces of clothing for really cheap. Plus I've found cool brands there too...Banana Republic, Volcom, Forever 21...and each item is only 5 bucks. Thrift shopping. It's my new addiction. (Yeah, Tina, you know you want to join me! Haha.)

Uumm...yeah. Sooo...um. Well, I think I've run out of things to say. I am excited to see what will happen in the next few years. On the large scale...with this country. On the small scale...with myself, my Bijan, my friends, my family. We've all got so much history left to live, so many stories to make. Will we have children? Will we all grow old together, raise our kids together? It will be interesting to see how myself and my friends evolve...how we go from young adult to...adult adult, haha. What kinds of values will we pass on to our children? What kinds of things are important to us, to me?

Well anyways. Have a happy hump-day. We're almost to the weekend again! :)

Love,
Lisa

random facts: a list of idols.

2008-11-03T14:35:00.001-08:00

So my "Barbie blog" got me thinking: I want to let all of my dear readers (few as you may be lol) in on some of my old secrets. Well, not secrets really, just random facts about me throughout my life...for example...some of my old obsessions, hobbies, things like that. I was a really strange kid sometimes (ok...all the time) and the more I think about it, the funnier I think I was when I was a kid. So, periodically I'll post funny little tidbits as they come to me.

I don't remember what triggered the memory, but for some reason I remembered a few of the famous women I idolized as a kid..(I'm talking...ages 12-14 or so). My "idols" were...odd at best. My mom was a huge fan of old movies and old television (remember: Nick at Nite? I mean, the original Nick at Nite, with old shows like...I Love Lucy, The Wonder Years, Happy Days, Laverne and Shirley, and Bewitched....not the new Nick at Nite with..Fresh Prince and The George Lopez show. WTF is that?!? Anyway.) So anyway, it was a favorite pastime of mine to watch those old movies and old tv shows with her. As a result, I became of fan of some very interesting women.

One of my main idols was...Judy Garland.

Movies like...The Wizard of Oz, Meet Me in St. Louis, and That Little Shop Around the Corner (the original You've Got Mail) were some of my favorites. I wanted to sing like her, I tried to get my hair cut like her, and I imagined in my little head that I somehow looked like her. Seriously...I thought I was the next Judy Garland for a while (did I mention that I also had a very high opinion of myself in those years? lol) and I thought she was just wonderful.

Another absolute favorite was Elizabeth Montgomery, or "Samantha" from Bewitched.

I was completely obsessed with that show, and somehow I managed to think I looked like Elizabeth Montgomery as well as Judy Garland. Oh, as a result of my obsession with Elizabeth and that show, I also became very obsessed with the idea of being a witch. Not Wiccan or anything to do with the religion, but...I'm prettttttty sure that I thought witches were real. Ok no, I'm not pretty sure, I'm sure. LOL. I would just watch the show and be convinced I'd figure out the secret...someday.

My obsession with Bewitched led me to an obsession of other witch-like shows...like...Sabrina the Teenage Witch. As a result, Melissa Joan-Hart became another one of my idols.

But, for the longest time, my absolute favorite show was Alex Mack.

See, Alex Mack was the best because her situation was very...tangible. Some strange chemicals spilled on her, and suddenly she has all of these amazing powers!! Moving things with her mind, electricity from her fingers, and, the very best, turning into liquid! I am...not...quite sure what's so wonderful about turning into liquid, but for some reason the idea was...so...absolutely amazing to me, and I would pretend to do it all the time. I loved Alex Mack so much that I really wished a truck full of chemicals would spill on me so I could have some super amazing wonderful powers.

Wow.

And my last idol for the day is...Anne Shirley (played by Megan Follows) in Anne of Green Gables.

Anne Shirley (though completely fictional) was probably my first and foremost role model. I think it was because I wanted so much to be just like Anne that I first decided I would be a writer. I loved her imagination, her independence, her attitude. OMG. I even imitated her smug attitude towards Gilbert when I passed boys in the neighborhood (I think I was 10 or 11 during this time!) I'd stick my nose in the air, huffing around and acting haughty just like Anne did when Gilbert tried to talk with her.

And I always dreamed of finding my own "Gilbert Blythe". LOL. I thought the Anne and Gilbert romance was perfect, and...well I was just so very sappy and convinced that I'd find my perfect storybook romance someday. The best part of it is...I was right! I've found my storybook romance in Bijan Nicholas. Hehe. (Hey, why are you puking?? LOL.)

Anyway, yes...I had lots of strange "role models" and "idols". I was a dorky, bookworm kid who lived in her dream-imagination worlds. It was fun though...and my little secret is that...well, I'm really not so different from that kid now. I'm a little more grown up and slightly more sensible...but I've still got my head in the clouds most of the time. LOL.

I was really hating today very much, and I just wanted to go home and curl up on the couch. I woke up with a headache and a slight tummy ache and my eyes felt strained, and I was stressed about my stupid uniform inspection today that's been giving me a headache all weekend. But after sharing a little bit of my quirky past, plus the added bonus of reminiscing, I feel so much better. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did aaaaaand yeah, I'll understand if you feel the need to snicker behind your hand.

Good luck getting through Monday! It's almost over.

Love,
Lisa

l.o.v.e.

2008-10-29T14:41:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in a while. :( It's been pretty hectic at work and we still don't have internet at home. Erg. We're not trying to drag our feet but...well we're just trying to make sure we have all bills in order before we get it. The other night we found one spot on the corner of the bed where we picked up a wireless internet signal. We were like "Ooo oo oo!" and frantically checked our Myspaces' and emails before the signal faded. Haha. We are internet deprived.

Anyway I don't really know what's on my mind. I had coffee with Dani last night, which was really nice, cuz I haven't seen her in forever and we've been sorta back and forth with conflicting schedules. She actually drove all the way over to North Park cuz I wanted to take her to this cool coffee shop by our apartment. So we get to the coffee shop, only to realize they're closing. (I'm like, at 7??) Whatever. There's lots of stuff in North Park so we just started walking around, and it wasn't long before we found a cozy little coffee shop that was open. We went there, and it was some of the best coffee I've ever had. Well I don't know about that but it was really yummy. Nice and hot, perfect amount of strength and flavor, plus it was organic. So yeah. We were able to catch up on things and talk different things out, which was good.

Dani and I used to see each other about once a week (sometimes more) so it's been strange going months without seeing each other. I was starting to worry that things maybe weren't ok between us...but a few hours of catching up last night reminded me that she's been one of my best friends for a reason. See...in the past months I've been guilting myself a lot, cuz I haven't seen very much of the people who I used to see all the time. The thing is...my life has changed. It's changed tempo. And...while a new relationship and new living situation (ie: living in San Diego vs. North County) shouldn't be an excuse for not seeing your friends as much as you used to, the truth is...that it just does have an affect on those things whether people like it or not. I used to live in a dirty house, with no money, in a lonely relationship. In those days, I spent most of my free time with friends. Since I didn't care about spending time with my...err...person I was with...I spent a LOT of time with other people.

But now...I'm with someone who I just can't get enough of. I live in an area that I love, that's close to work...and if I want to see friends over in North County well...I am usually expected to drive over there. (I'm not talking about Dani here haha, I just mean...others..) So this means that if I'm not always in the mood to drive that far, then I don't get to see anyone from over there. Not to mention in this relationship we have our own routines and things we like to do, such as frequently going to LA, but that's just how it is. This is a new life, and people need to make adjustments. Anyway I don't really know what I'm talking about here, but my point is that I have a bad habit of giving myself guilt trips. I psyche myself into thinking that people are thinking bad things about me because of this, and then I feel like a bad friend, like I've deserted people. And I don't want to feel that way, because I shouldn't have to. Cuz I am a great friend. And cuz for once, I am doing things for me. I am doing the things that make ME happy, instead of worrying about whether or not everyone else is happy even at the expense of myself.

Ok. Take a breath. Phew. Lol.

Soo..after catching up with Dani a lot of my guilty feelings were cured as I realized that they all stemmed from my own head. She's been busy too, just as her life has changed. So it hasn't been just me, and I am not the horrible deserting friend I was starting to feel like I was. But anyway. After last night it made me realize that...I really want to make sure I don't forget to make time to see her, at least every couple weeks. And not just her, but the other girlies who are important to me, like Tina(who I already get to see lots!), Angel, Ty, Lora, Kat, Karen, Misty etc--most of whom I haven't seen in forever, but yet I somehow just expect to know that I care about them. It's so easy to just want to hang out with Bijan every night in our cozy little home. But I need to remember the other people in my life who are important, too. Maybe...a monthly weektime coffee date is in order, like the first Wednesday of every month. I know that it's sometimes hard for all the girls to always get together every week, but once a month, not to mention on a weekday evening, should be doable. And maybe I should be the one to initiate it, to send out texts to all my girls saying "Coffee tonight, firepit?" Plus I can do individual coffee dates with different girls in the other weeks. Cuz sometimes one-on-one coffee dates are fun, cuz it's more intimate and you can have deeper conversations and get to know each other better.

Why, Tina and I have a coffee date NEXT week! :) I'm excited about that one cuz we've never had a Tina-and-Lisa-ONLY get together. So I think that will be some great bonding time for the two of us that I'm really looking forward to.

Everyone reading must be thinking, "Wow, this girl is really obsessed with coffee." Lol. I know I keep saying coffee (and I do love good coffee, don't get me wrong), but the point here isn't what we drink or where we go...it's who I'm doing it with. I just really want to make sure that the people I love and care about...know I love and care about them.

So I didn't really even know what I wanted to write about when I opened this blank blog document. But...I guess now I know what's on my mind! Eventually I will get used to the rhythm of my new life and I'll find the right balance of everything. I just want everyone in my life to know that I love them, but I also want people to know that things change, situations change, and we all have to be willing to make adjustments. Anyway.

I love my life. I'm a lucky girl. <3

Love,
Lisa

memory lane...omg.

2008-10-22T17:08:00.000-07:00

Ok, this is gonna be quick. For some reason I was reminiscing about some stuff from when I was a kid. I don't know why, but I was remembering my obsession with dolls and Barbies. On a whim, I decided to look up the Barbie that was my ultimate dream Barbie which I never did end up getting, but would look at every time I went to Wal-Mart or Target.

The Autumn in Paris Barbie.

There she is. I was totally obsessed with her. LOL.

Totally random, I know, but it just tickled me a little inside and I wanted to share.

Love,
Lisa